分類: 男女感情

有冇試過覺得自己『唔夠好』去令對方鍾意自己，或者『自己唔值得被對方愛』呢？

 

我哋每個人都會有質疑自己價值嘅時候，無論係因為你父母對你過度嚴苛，又或者你女朋友太正令到你自卑嘅感覺，我哋都有一啲情感嘅包袱令我哋忘記點樣愛錫自己。

 

但係如果你想係一定感情之中感受到自己已經足夠，如果你想提升自己嘅自尊心嘅話，

 

你就必須學識點樣增加你對自己嘅愛，你對自己嘅self love，which is one of the MTFU’s core value.

 

#1 Use Compassion For Our Emotions

 

When we feel low/negative/low self-esteem, we especially with ambitious achievers can be TOO HARD on ourselves.

 

-> Treat your less desirable thoughts about yourself like a 3-year old child who has just fallen and hurt his knees

 

-> You won’t hurry to heal the hurt, you gently heal the woud and let the pain pass away while comforting him , NO judgement

 

Give room for yourself to BREATHE through the process and be compassionate towards your growth journey.

 

#2 Take Ownership Of Our Own Happiness

 

Truth: No one can make you feel happy, it’s YOUR duty to do it for yourself.

 

Why that’s a good thing? -> You are no longer a victim, you can choose to be empowered.

 

When you get this, you can CHOOSE to be whoever you want to be and be happy whenever you want it.

 

Stop judging yourself so harshly when you have a bad day or didn’t get what you want temporarily.

 

#3 Self-Love Letter Exercise

 

It’s natural to focus on our LACK/inadequacies/concerns because our brain is automatically searching for threats to make sure you survive.

 

But our brain isn’t designed to make us thrive or happy.

 

So if you can focus your attention on writing a self love letter on what you want to improve about yourself,

 

WHY you deserve to be loved,

 

WHAT you have already accomplished,

 

what qualities do you have to make you successful in life and love…

 

then it’s a great reminder on why you are GOOD ENOUGH.

 

#4 Celebrate small wins daily

 

Growth is a gradual, daily, never-ending process.

 

IT’s a way of BEING, it’s a mindset,  instead of a one time thing.

 

So you always want to REMEMBER how far you’ve gone in life, what you have learnt in the past,

 

why you are GRATEFUL for these LIFE LESSONS that are designed to help you become a better human being.

 

Take 3-5 mins a day to remember your accomplishments and these mini celebrations will build up your confidence and success.

 

#5 Environment is more powerful than willpower

 

No successful people can succeed if they spend time with people who drag them down, complain lives, bitch about gossips and do stupid shit.

 

Every 3 months, EVALUATE who you spend time with the most and see if they’re encouraging you the most.

 

If yes, then nurture that relationships.

 

If no, get the fuck out ASAP, even when sometimes those who love us the most fuck us up the most.

 

Conclusions: Whatever your path is, remember that SELF LOVE is the foundation of everything.

 

Your relationship  success, career achievement, and personal fulfillment all depend on it!

Dating is simple but not easy, especially in an age of social media and phone addiction, it’s HARDER for people to connect on DEEPER LEVEL.

 

But today you are happy, because you’re about to get on a “DATE”.

 

Maybe you met her online, maybe you’ve met each other via events, so how do you guarantee you won’t FVCK UP?

 

Tip #1 唔好淨係擔心對方想做咩，諗下自己做咩會令自己開心！

 

If you don’t enjoy the activities/place/food/event, no matter how NICE or thought out, she is not going to enjoy the time with you.

 

Emotions are contagious, if you feel boring/dull/unexcited, she is going to feel the same.

 

Rmb: Dating is supposed to be FUN-oriented, it’s NOT about an interview.

 

If you two can’t even have light, simple, zero-thinking FUN, you two aren’t compatible at all as a couple, and there’s no need to talk about deeper stuff.

 

So any “dates” must be fun-oriented, do something YOU will feel happy, then your “date” won’t feel like a traditional date and it’s so EASY to go to the next step.

 

Tip #2 Have high standards, but NOT a checklist.

 

Yes, quality men have high standards, but what you THINK you want is often NOT what you truly get attracted to.

 

So don’t treat your checklist items as MUSTs.

 

Instead, be OPEN to the REAL LIFE connection at a feeling level, at an energetic level, at a GUT level.

 

It’s not how great her online profile is written, it’s NOT about how funny/engaging her texts are,

 

it’s about the REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE with her at a deeper energetic level.

 

Instead of using your BRAIN/HEAD to THINK if she fits, use your HEART to FEEL if she’s someone you want to bring into your life.

 

Relationships are rarely pure LOGIC, it’s about the EMOTIONS and energy exchange you two feel.

 

POINT: If you meet a girl and can be INSPIRED by her, and she can be INSPIRED by you,

 

then maybe there’s a chance that you two can integrate with each other and explore the possibilities of a deeper relationship.

Yo Man, 終於有個機會可以問你野 XD

 

自從新識左一個女仔以來一直謹守你的教導，例如be an Alpha male﹑少text﹑push & pull等等。

 

然而，唔知係咪因為佢上星期出TRIP 大陸，我show太多關心，或者其他原因 (費事估啦，我情願將焦點放係solution)…

 

尋晚收到佢msg，大意係: 覺得同我相處好有壓力，普通朋友唔應該咁之類blahblahblah。

 

佢之前一D表現 (例如佢會qualify自己﹑特登比佢去end text轉頭又會撩返我 << 算唔算呢?) 令我相信佢應該對我有好感 (或者學你講，assume佢有!)。

 

我的問題係，我應該點回應 (或唔回應)? 佢咁講，係咪都係一種shit test? 定有其他用意?

 

BTW，好多謝你的教導! 應該真係有好多兄弟需要呢類教戰! Thanks,Marty

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#1 There isn’t enough information on why you fucked up.

 

But one obvious thing is as you said “唔知係咪因為佢上星期出TRIP 大陸，我show太多關心，或者其他原因”…

 

it shows that you show too much SWEET CARING as a friend and LACK sexual tension.

 

If she says “覺得同我相處好有壓力，普通朋友唔應該咁”, this implies that she really sees you as a FRIEND.

 

At some point, you tried to escalate to a more sexual relationship from a foundation of FRIEND, it rarely works that way and that is why the girl feels your advance and feels pressure.

 

Remember: It’s hard to use a normal “caring friend” image to seduce her, it rarely works that way.

 

It’s much better if you come out as a “I am sexually interested in you, I want to see who you are, but it’s cool if you don’t want that and I will move on” frame.

 

#2 You have 2 options now:

 

Either hang out as a normal just-friend, OR cut that communication for now.

 

It’s not a shit test, it’s just the TRUTH that you haven’t made her feel SEXUALLY DESIRED first before you establish so much emotional rapport as a friend.

 

So learn from this experience, pick an option,

 

watch more MTFU’s videos and move on to the next girl.

Man神你個Q&A好正呀！學左好多嘢！

 

最近想溝一個女仔，有啲野想請教，呢個女仔係IG認識，佢一開始都有邀請我參加佢同朋友嘅活動拉，不過個日就冇咩點講野，

 

不過wts都有keep住傾幾日，因為我見到佢冇主動搵我拉，咁我就試下唔搵佢、過幾日又真係搵返我，自從個日一齊玩完後、大家都有開個Group下次再約。

 

=> #1 Why didn’t you chat with her in real person? You’ve wasted your opportunity because REAL PERSON interaction is what matters.

 

#2 Constant Whatsapp communication afterwards, what does that communicates?

 

You are a boy who is afraid to talk to her in REAL PERSON, and rely on this “safe platform” to try to seduce her.

PLUS, you are overcommunicating, which means you are already in FZ.

 

咁到宜家，成班人都出左3-4次，仲有玩咩真心話大冒險遊戲，佢啲朋友都知我對佢有興趣，個女仔亦都話未追過點知呢？

 

咁我想問我係咪要開始約佢單獨出街，培養下感覺，普通出街做下啲窩心動作，盡快去行動呢？

 

因為佢又知我鍾意佢、佢又應該有感覺，不過我地近排都好少wts，只係有兩日佢無哪哪會問下我野，我IG回應下佢咁，不過對話都係傾一陣就斷。應該點做呢？因為知道出到街又係另一件事。

 

=》#1 Why the fuck her friends know you are interested in her? That’s fucked up already.

 

#2 Even that girl knows you like her and verbally says so?

 

Oh boy… that tells me that your behaviors have been too nice, too sweet…

 

And you even ASKS her “if you should date her?”, is that what a man do? Ask girls permission to date her!?

 

個女仔都算幾靜、係一啲人面前唔係咁鍾意講野，不過出到黎都講多左，而我本身亦都係比較少野講嘅人，有時就會驚諗唔到話題講呀咁，wts都講左唔少，而且之前都溝過幾個女仔、都失敗告終，令到自己每次都有啲擔心，

 

甚至唔知點溝一個女仔，先可以一齊到令佢鍾意自己，吸引佢，亦有好多朋友話個時間錯左，有啲野太遲講，

 

所以我都開始混亂，成日覺得自己可以付出好多，不過做左女仔又冇咩感覺咁，所以都開始反思緊、應該點做呢，所以希望man神可以幫下手、比啲意見 唔該你

 

=> 『成日覺得自己可以付出好多，不過做左女仔又冇咩感覺咁』, You are good guy with heart, but you don’t fucking understand how attraction works.

 

You are also a typical nice guy, who hopes to DO STUFF FOR GIRLS and logically hope she will like you.

 

Ok bro, I bet you haven’t watched much of my videos.

 

There’s so much foundational concepts you aren’t getting e.g. teasing, challenging, having FUN

 

My challenge to you:

 

If you want to understand why you fuck up, go watch my past videos on nice guys, challenging, teasing, neediness.

 

That’s the most urgent thing you need to do now.

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Yo manson！Ken again….我放棄左之前我講過fdzone左我既女仔，再次展開新既精彩旅程…

 

突然有個fd搵返我，叫我陪佢行mk。我嗰日好chill，諗到咩就講咩，吾覺意可能attract到佢…（佢都算係高質野）。

 

佢之後去左個trip，期間都有flirt我…完左之後，仲話想我接機..話想見我…係巴士個時仲借我膊頭呢用..so sweet

 

正當我考慮接吾接受佢既時候….之後我可能關心得佢多左…佢feel到啲野.就無啦reject我。WTF？

 

我呆左陣…問佢show interest既動作點解，佢話有小小姐…不過我之後都解釋返俾佢聽，Care not equal to love…(畢竟confess=lose everything)

 

但係我覺得幾可惜，所以想問下man神，呢段感情仲有冇possibility…

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In short, you have fallen into FZ without you realizing it.

 

＃1  You thought you were chilling, saying whatever you like and attracting her.

But pay attention to the CONTEXT, you said『突然有個fd搵返我，叫我陪佢行mk。』, this already subcommunicated that SHE treats you as a friend.

 

You 陪佢行mk means that you’re already investing your TIME/ENERGY doing friends stuff.

 

To her, you are SO EASY to get you to do stuff with her, and that’s NOT a sexy attractive trait man.

 

#2 『想我接機..話想見我…係巴士個時仲借我膊頭呢用..so sweet』

-> Another compliance test. Again, you’re saying YES too easily and overinvesting your time to do these “sweet boyfriend behaviors”before you two had sexual contacts.

-> You thought would lead you to bf/gf, but in fact too much sweetness/ niceness BEFORE you two are bf/gf often won’t produce the results you want.

 

#3 『之後我可能關心得佢多左…佢feel到啲野.就無啦reject我。』

 

-> See? You already said you CARE about her too much, which isn’t something you should do BEFORE you enter a relationship.

 

-> “Care not equal to love”: What she really means is that “she likes the attention/caring/niceness you give to her,

 

but she can’t FEEL AROUSED SEXUALLY,

she can’t feel the BADNESS/EDGINESS/MYSTERIOUSNESS from you.

She can’t feel your STRENGTH to say no to her and do stuff you like.

 

-> She can’t feel the SEXUAL TENSION from you challenging/teasing/making fun of her.  That’s why she can’t “feel aroused enough”to convince herself logically she is falling in love with you.

 

-> Learn from this and move on.

Yo！我喺MTFU嘅Man神啊。

 

＃1 你對自己嘅性生活滿唔滿意呢？

 

如果你係坦白嘅話，可能你都會搵到一兩樣嘢想改善下，

 

無論係做愛嘅次數多啲，又或者每次做愛時你同你嘅partner可以多啲激情。

 

無論係點都好，有好幾份科學研究報告就分享咗，

 

原來Sexual Passion係有分兩種：

 

Harmonious／和諧式嘅性愛激情 VS Obsessive／癡迷式嘅性愛激情。

 

＃2 所謂嘅『和諧式嘅性愛激情』，

 

就係講緊當性愛喺能夠恰當地整合，並且同其他部分部份嘅自己和睦共處，唔會影響到自己其他嘅areas。

 

亦都即係話：如果你能夠將性愛同其他活動一樣，融入成為自己生活中嘅一部分，而唔係人生嘅全部；

 

咁樣除咗你同你嘅伴侶會減少磨擦之外，你都更加能夠有效率地控製到自己嘅性慾。

 

相反，一啲沉迷喺『癡迷式性愛激情』嘅人，佢哋除咗性生活唔美滿之外，佢哋嘅感情亦都會好飄忽唔穩定。

 

 

＃3 點樣知道自己係咪墮入咗『癡迷式性愛激情』嘅陷阱呢？你要問下自己以下兩條問題：

 

第一，性愛對你嚟講係咪一種目標呢？

 

如果你覺得sex喺你每日做嘢checklist裡面其中一樣嘢，

 

你咁樣嘅mindset除咗會製造一啲好唔健康嘅relationship之外，你亦都會損害自己搞嘢嘅機會。

 

你越係覺得得到sex係一種achievement，你就會越難得到佢。

 

因為sex本身就係一啲自然會發生嘅事情，性愛原本就係兩個玩得埋啱傾嘅人慢慢會到達嘅位置；

 

如果你咁desperate一定要今晚扑到嘢，你最後就自己搞喎原本個flow。

 

＃4 第二，性愛係咪你大腦唯一諗到嘅嘢呢？

 

如果你行街見到某條索女廣告，跟住十幾分鐘都係咁幻想自己同條女扑野，咁樣就代表你係完全唔能夠控制自己性慾。

 

間唔中諗下咸濕嘢當然係好正常啦，男人女人都會咁做；

 

但係如果你諗嘅嘢／講嘅話題／做嘅嘢／全部都淨係純粹圍繞住sex，你好可能就已經性上癮。

 

＃5 重點就係：如果你想提升性愛美滿度，你就要學習『和諧地』面對性愛呢樣嘢。

 

除咗一方面你係唔應該讓sex控制自己所有思想行為，但係另一方面你都唔好害怕sex呢個話題。

 

因為真相就係：性愛只係每一個健康嘅人每一日生活嘅一部分，同你平時刷牙洗麵食飯飲水一樣咁正常普通。

 

當你能夠接受sex is no big deal，唔好過份沉迷佢或者逃避佢，你自然嘅性吸引力就會自動增加，你能夠得到嘅性愛機緣亦都會大大增加！

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Hi Man 神!你好!! 我真係好鐘意聽你嘅youtube channel, 全靠你嘅channel 我先明白到自己以前嘅needy有幾嚴重..同埋 點樣先可以慢慢成位alpha male!! 多謝你 !!

 

近日, 我係公司遇到一個新嘅女同事, 我唔識佢, 亦都唔同team, 做嘢嘅地方都唔係同一個場,

 

我地係返工拍卡嘅時候, 擦身而過, 我就俾佢嘅外貌吸引到我望佢, 我地對望左嘅秒就各自去返自己嘅地方做嘢。

 

=> Did you smile at her? Could have smiled and said hi, or sth like “Oh, I haven’t seen you before, you must be the new colleague?”

 

係收工過陣我又再見到佢!! 我衝破自己嘅關口過去say hi!   當時我話:「hi ! 我硬係覺得唔知邊度見過你…好熟口面 」, 佢望住我呆左一陣話:「係咩?」

 

佢問返我:「你team 幾㗎?」我答返佢team 幾之後 , 我就問佢叫咩名, 佢就好怕醜望第度笑左一笑先答我, 因為佢好似好趕, 我冇同佢介紹自己同扼手就走左🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

 

=> Good action taken. Even it’s imperfect, at least you initiated contact.

 

果日之後, 因為大家輪班返嘅更份唔同,  我成兩個禮拜都冇見到佢….

 

今日返工朝早見到佢拍卡, 我走埋去哎佢, 佢呆左半秒先回應我…我都feel 都佢可能已經忘記左我…. 我個腦太緊張, 須然我冇做nice guy…

 

但我都feel 到自己講緊廢話, 唔知點解… 係佢面前硬係唔識得自然流露,

 

=>You could have said “Oh hi, it is you again.”

 

收工見到佢拍完卡同一兩個fd 行緊去巴士站, 我用自然嘅步伐行去佢附近, 哎佢 我以一個好似識左好耐嘅vibe 咁去問佢:「去邊呀?」

 

佢有呆左半秒先望過嚟… 又笑住咁答我話:「返屋企囉。」 跟住我地就覺自去返自己嘅巴士站到等車…..

 

=> Now, your behaviors start to be like a creepy guy who is stalking her.

 

Man 神!!! 究竟我可以點樣做得好d , 點樣練習可以令自己講嘢流暢d, 我有不斷去令自己social d , 不斷地同唔同嘅人去玩 去flirt 去練習… 但偏偏係佢面前就邊得好唔自然….

 

多謝呀Man 睇我打咁長嘅文🙏🏻🙏🏻Thx!!! 史葛!! 或者Scott !!

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＃1 Understand the CONTEXT of the situation, it’s in WORK environment, which is a place I don’t recommend hitting on girls.

 

Otherwise, you’re risking both of your careers and social reputation in case things go wrong.

 

#2 Whenever you try to talk to her, it’s best that you are ALREADY talking with someone.

 

E.g. you see her somewhere, you chat with colleague X, let her overhear what you guys are chatting about, and MAYBE just a quick hello gesture to her.

 

#3 Being social means you’re chatting with EVERYONE, not just this new girl.

 

If you can display your social side more indirectly in front of her before you hit on her, things will go smoother and more natural/subtle.

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Man 神，我依加终于明白点解你教我地唔好媾死一条女。因为我地真系唔知下一秒会发生滴咩事，尼一秒条女可以好爱你，可能下一秒就唔再爱你。

 

=》No that’s not the reason. You don’t invest NOT because you are scared that you will be fucked over by bad girls, and decide to close your heart.

 

The reasons of NOT overinvesting in one girl in the beginning are multifold:

 

– When you first meet a new girl and you are overvaluing on her, that tells both your subconscious mind and the girl that you operate at a scarcity level.

 

Your life lack women, so you are so scared of losing this only chance. When you have such mentality, your behaviors are NEEDY as fuck, and that’s NOT attractive as a man to a woman.

– It’s easy for guys to overvalue a girl by just one glance.

 

So many boys have ZERO standards in choosing girls and they only care about their looks and whether that girl can make them LOOK GOOD in front of their friends.

 

So if you invest in her heavily too quickly, you are putting her in pedestal, and you will be in chasing mode just like every beta male loser.

– You aren’t objective if you only see 1 girl.

 

There are TRULY MANY options of high quality single women out there.

 

When you see only one girl at the beginning, you are having a myopic view of what is available in the marketplace.

 

Your decision will be shortsighted and blindfolded and you are likely to make a bad decision – whether the girl is truly good or not.

 

系唔同既阶段，我地所要既也都唔同，所以我地唔应该拿尼一秒既也去套用系下一秒既也。 爱情能唔能长久，真系唔到我地去控制，你教我地要终于自己先只系王道，女仔尼家也，真系唔可以放系第一位，他只是生命既点缀，唔系全部。

 

就算我地可以坚持到尼份爱情，对方未必需要你既坚持，可能对方已经到左一个决定既时机，而我们唔符合尼一个时机既条件，所以我地会卑淘汰，真系唔可以去怪边个边个－O

 

=> Yes, we cannot CONTROL whether a relationship will work in the long term. And yes, staying true to your path and not letting other people disturb you from your mission is important.

 

But that doesn’t mean you can LEARN to magnify/extend the passion and love within a relationship with women.

 

Do not use your path as an excuse to stay as a fuckboy, growing up as a man and learning to develop man-woman relationships (which will trigger you emotionally the most) is a journey MOST PEOPLE fail.

 

Attracting women is easy, being a fuck up hooking up is easy,

 

developing a long term relationship that is PASSIONATE, FUN, UNPREDICTABLE, where both parties understand each other deeply, where both are RELATE to each other, and HELP EACH OTHER GROW, is 100X harder!

 

Learn the reasons why, learn the psychology behind, and RISE ABOVE that challenge, instead of escaping from it.

[男女感情] 點解你30歲都仲係單身？

#1 缺乏信任

#2 害怕自己的舊有壞習慣

#3 曾經被傷害

#4 追隨不存在的ideal image

#5 過份保護自己

[男女感情] 想墮入愛河？留意呢5點先好拍拖！

#1 唔好日日見

#2 尋找可信賴的朋友

#3 唔好咁快sex

#4 唔好特登改自己schedule

#5 感情外，建立自己lifestyle