分類: 人生

Hey brother, do you think you are a 正直有道德嘅好人? If yes, do you find yourself compelled to say yes and always help others (guys/girls) when they ask?

 

If yes, you have a nice guy disease because you don’t know how to set boundaries and say no.

 

#1 Whether it’s people asking you to help them because they know you are free in the weekend…

 

OR people seeking your advice because they know you are good at sth…

 

OR a girl wanting sex now but you just don’t feel like fucking her…

 

If you don’t learn to say no when you don’t want to do sth, if you don’t set boundaries for yourself, you will end up being torn apart by life, making everyone happy, but end up making yourself the most miserable people in life.

 

#2 Maybe you say, “But I am worried that if I say no, they won’t like me!”

 

Well, one, we can’t control ppl’s reactions or thoughts,  and it’s everyone’s responsibility to take ownership of their emotions…

Second, if saying no once or twice ruins the r/p, maybe such r/p isn’t strong/important enough.

 

So understand: people who are meant to be in your life will stay, those who aren’t won’t.  

 

If you don’t set boundaries for yourself, you are a weak spineless beta bitch who will NEVER be respected/desired/loved.

 

#3 So stop saying yes to social activities that  you don’t want to go.

Stop staying in a bad first date when you don’t like the girl in front of you.

Stop fucking fat ugly chicks you don’t genuinely like or find sexually desirable.

 

If things are not a fuck yes, then it is a hell no. And you better utilize your most valuable asset i.e. time/attention on doing things that you genuinely love!

 

Further Resource: <When I Say No, I Feel Guilty>, to be touched in MTFU Insider

I know you feel happy, excited and sweet when you enter a r/p…

I know you think FINALLY you have found “the one” and you will forever be loved and accepted by this woman…

 

But do you know even if you both fucked each other well, the more expectations you bring into a r/p the more you two will fuck up the r/p?

 

Here are a few common expectations that you bring into a r/p that slowly KILL a r/p:

 

#1 “I expect you to love me in a way I want without me saying it.”

 

Wake the fuck up bro. If you don’t express your desires & secret wishes to her, she won’t be able to mindread you, fulfill your needs, or suck your dick.

 

STOP withholding your needs and learn to communicate honestly what you want in the r/p. If you feel scared, learn to be vulnerable and say “Hey, I want to ask you sth but I feel scared coz I worry what you think about me. Can you be open-minded and don’t judge me if I share my thoughts with you?”

#2 “I expect she loves me unconditionally coz I love her unconditionally”

 

It is very romantic to have such thought and I am not arguing that it can’t be possible. Yet, in almost all cases, healthy intimate r/ps start from conditional love. You just can’t expect unconditional love like your parents might have given you in the past.

 

So stop treating women like queen, stop letting her abusing you emotionally/ physically/ financially…and then back-rationalize that “you really love her”.

 

Because the truth is your self-esteem is so low that you NEED a psychologically fucked up woman to give you tiny pathetic attention to validate your worth as a man.

 

Does this hurt? Yes, because that’s the truth that cracks your naive fantasy.

 

#3 “I expect “true love” requires zero hard work and we’ll just live happily ever after.”

 

Can you see how fucked up your mind is by Disney/Hollywood romantic movies? I don’t blame you… coz most of us are force-fed with these lies.

 

The truth is no matter how compatible/loving you two are, relationships require a fuck ton of work and effort! You change, she changes, the relationship changes. Stop falling into the masculine trap thinking “one day everything will be over and I can finally relax.”

 

No, you can NEVER relax because if you 順其自然, your relationship is going to fall apart because life is either growth or death.

 

So just like everything else, you have to be conscious, put in the work required in a relationship in order to enjoy the fruits of it.

 

If you aren’t ready, that’s totally okay and you should pursue other things in life first.

Before you attract any women in your life, you need to have a good foundation as an attractive male.

 

Women are like icing on a cake, she can’t be your focus on your life, thus you need to have 3 CORE PIECES before you can bring her in.

 

3 Ways to be an attractive male while single:

 

#1 Spend time with friends that UPLIFT you, not pulling you down.

 

GOOD friends are those help you EXPAND your true self and potential, encourage your growth, even if they don’t have the same belief systems.

 

BAD friends are those who keep doing things that KEEP YOU SMALL, you feel collapsed and judged, and they discourage you from pursuing your path.

 

So make it a priority to hang out with these inspiring friends every month. Bros are best because there’s no sexual interest between you all.

 

#2 Meet Your Emotional Needs First

 

If you want to get a girl because you are unhappy, incomplete, boring, lonely, you are going to FVCK UP both of you. Shit life + shit life = shittiest life

 

Just like parents should put oxygen masks on themselves before helping their kids, you should save yourself before you attempt save the world/women.

 

So you must have fun, enjoy your life, take care of yourself and make yourself happy & fulfilling first IF you want a healthy relationship with women!

 

#3 Heal Your Emotional Wounds From Childhood

 

We all have emotional wounds from our childhood. If you don’t go back to explore these unconcious patterns, they are going to fvck up your next r/p because intimacy triggers our emotions the most.

 

So if you have r/p problems with your parents e.g. hatred, enmeshment (neediness with them), parents suffocating you…etc.

the family issues WILL pass on to the next generation with your woman!

 

Explore these with your trusted coach, therapist or men’s’ group where you are in a safe environment to discuss these deep personal issues.

Women are sex objects, men are success objects, that’s what the society deems as valuable in a human being.  

 

So if you are a successful wealthy man, how do you know if she likes you or your external materials?

 

#1 Stop your inclination to PROVIDE for her

 

I understand, we as men feel a natural need to 照顧女人, but if you use such tool to ATTRACT women or to prove your self-worth to her, you are gonna attract GOLD DIGGERS.

 

Alpha male is a state of mind, you don’t fvcking need to buy her cars, pay her rent, pay her tuition in order to attract her.

 

If you do that, that’s a beta male strategy just like those in power abuse their power e.g. 經理人公司搞女模

You’ll never attract those who geneinuely likes you.

 

#2 When you date, don’t spend extravagantly!

 

If you flash money for dates, you are just setting an expectation that YOU are gonna pay for every shit the girl wants.  

 

Those who show off wealth to get girls only means they have NOTHING ELSE that worth a girl’s attention.

 

Instead, focus on having FUN in casual environments. If she doesn’t want to go, she isn’t interested in you yet.

 

#3 When bill comes, does she expects you to pay in full every time?

 

If she goes to toilet everytime bill arrives OR if she doesn’t at least willing to offer to pay for the date, be careful!

 

#4 Observe how she presents herself.

 

Is wearing luxury brands important to her?

Does she possess materials that tries to impress other people?

Does she base her self-worth on stuff she owns OR her character & personality traits?

Be careful for girls who only love luxuries.

 

=> Of course money/power give you more access to high quality women,

 

but when you meet them, you must be vigilant about whether they are attracted to YOU as a person, or YOUR STUFF that helps her show off to others.

I get it, you are TOO BUSY to have a girlfriend OR you think intimacy & relationships are obstacles that affect your money-making goals.

 

But if you are an ambitious entrepreneur, a high level CEO, a badass business titan who dominate the industry, you shouldn’t not understand the power of investing in a relationship.

 

I know, we don’t NEED a woman to be happy while we build our wealth, but do you know why being open to bringing women in actually HELPS your career?

 

Reason #1 Masculine man NEEDS to cultivate their feminine energy to be an integrated powerful human being, one way is to deeply connect with women.

 

Feminine energy RECHARGES us, so a quality woman who is not only sexy but also intelligent + kind-hearted can definitely make you feel less stressful and alive again!

 

#2 Successful men need support at the background

 

I know you want t don’t want to seem needy; but in my own experience & what I see in many successful friends, a quality partner can support us in multiple ways (mentally, emotionally, sexually) that helps us grow our business.

 

Wrong r/p waste your time, but right relationships MULTIPLIES the results you can get.

 

#3 I know you want to feel important in the world, but do you know the longest study in human history by Harvard concludes that it is the QUALITY of relationships that make us most happy and live longest?

 

I have multiple successful private coaching clients who are industry leaders, they seem strong Alphas from the outside, but do you know what they secretly fear and want?

 

They want women who can can understand them, listen to their fears when they share themselves vulnerably in a world of sharks, and feel loved as who they are.

 

Q is: Do you want that Mr. Millionaire? Mr. Future Billionaire?

If you are the kind of guy who “falls in love” too quickly, you gotta be careful because you can easily waste time/energy/effort/heartfelt feelings on some TOXIC people you shouldn’t touch.

 

One of the best ways to build healthy relationships is to understand the WARNING SIGNS of bad candidates, here are some:

 

#1 If she talks about her ex too NEGATIVELY, she still carries an emotional baggage.

 

It means she isn’t emotionally ready for a new r/p and you shouldn’t sacrifice your well-being to try to be nice and fix her.

 

#2 She is 斤斤計較 of the contributions you two make.  

E.g. If she did nice things for you BUT blames you for not returning favors, OR if she is always calculating who contributes more, that’s a bad person to keep around with.

 

#3 She uses sex/intimacy to control you.

E.g. If you make dinner/buy me a bag/help me do this do that, then we’ll have sex/we’ll kiss. -> That’s fvcking manipulative!

 

#4 She is physically abusive

If she tries to hit you seriously or throw things at you, she is a crazy problematic girl that you can’t fix, LEAVE  ASAP!

 

#5 She never apologizes

People who can’t apologize for their wrongdoings implies that they have 玻璃心 and are emotionally volatile. Be careful!

 

#6 She suffocates you OR guilt you into spending more time with her

Girls who are low self-esteem feels insecure to give you space in a relationship. If she refuses to give you some autonomy, end the r/p.

 

#7 She wants to micromanage your life
If she tries to control every little thing of what you do or what you don’t do, she is someone who can’t maintain healthy boundaries.

 

If she can’t trust your ability to make decisions, you won’t have a great r/p with her.

 

=> These principles applies to both men/women, if you have a partner, you should honestly evalue if she is truly compatible to you => long term happiness

Hey bro, do you rmb when we were younger, we were thinking about having our first kiss with a girl you secretly liked for a long time, and that day finally came when you got her out, she surprisingly responded positively, and you two kissed, and you felt like the happiest man in your life?

 

OR when you grew up, you had skills and had no problem getting girls, you could kiss or even close a girl the same night, BUT after sex, you felt that everything is TOO FAST and you felt that you’re missing out sth special?

 

#1 Why is that? It’s because our bodies have 2 typs of pleasure systems.

 

Anticipatory PS 期待性= you imagine yourself having sth you want (sex, money, travelling, group of frds, good food).

 

ANTICIPATION makes us excited about life for a long time. That’s why it’s good to set daily/monthly/yearly goals.

 

Consummatory PS 消耗性= you GET what you want. Dopamine hits quickly, but it’s shorter and that high passes quickly.

 

#2 The same applies to sex, love and relationships.

 

If you want emotional fulfillment, long term happiness and avoid having BAD relationships, then you shouldn’t have rush sex, rush love, rush relationships.

 

#3 Am I saying you shouldn’t have SEX with a girl ASAP?

 

No. You should definitely NOT wait for 10 dates before you sleep with her because too much familiarity/comfort  is what kills sexual tension. (i.e. FZ)

 

But maybe you should find a sweet spot (i.e. 3-5 meetup times), having enough mysteriousness but also enough comfort before you sleep with her.

And if consider a LTR, maybe you should give yourself 4-6 months to OBSERVE & ANALYZE this woman’s behaviors apart from her words/sexy side to decide if she is a good candidate to develop deeper relationships with apart from sex.

 

Balancing this is an art. So have FUN experiencing the pleasures in both short and long term and you’ll know what you really want.

Hey brother/sister, do you know that no matter how good/bad your childhood was, it is going to affect your love & relationship life?

 

No matter whether your parents took care of you OR never took care of you, our childhood experience WILL influence what kinds of partners we attract in a romantic relationship.

 

#1 Why? It’s because as a child, we are helpless and ego-centric.

 

On one hand, we crave love & attention from our primary caretakers;

 

On the other hand, our naive self believe that every +ve/-ve reactions from others MUST be because of you.

 

If they treat you good, you think “Me = Good”.

 

If they treat you bad/negligent, you think “Me = bad”and something is wrong with you.

 

#2 Do you know why EVERY human being is fvcked up by their parents?

 

It’s because even though you have the BEST parents in the world, they are gonna do sth unconscious that make you conclude that you are NOT good enough.

 

E.g. Daddy comes home, you want to play with him, he said too tired and go watch TV, YOU conclude that you are NOT lovable.

 

E.g. You broke a vase, mum gave you a quick angry look and said you are so naughty to do that, you conclude YOU = BAD = NOT lovable  

 

So little innocent acts from our caretakers will easily make kids conclude that they are NOT good enough.

 

#3 What do kids do then?

 

Because of fear of abandonment, we develop a series of survival mechanism.

 

Maybe we tried to achieve good grades to get our parents attention…

Maybe we withdrew as a hermit and play computer games alone to avoid rejection…

Maybe we intentionally behaved badly just to get their attention…

 

No matter how we adapt, we start to force our identity to behave in certain ways in order to get love and approval.

 

And that’s how we develop extreme good boys/extreme bad boys traits to survive in childhood.

 

How about you brother?

 

Which strategy did you use?

 

Can you see how such identity shaping will affect what kind of women you attract?

 

Feel free to share your story and we’ll start to see why we behave in certain ways today as an adult.

Like and Share this video if you think it’s valuable to others, if you want to dive deeper in this topic, let me know.

Are you aware that our biggest enemy is always ourselves?

 

And one common mistake we all do is to CRITICIZE ourselves too harshly that eventually hurts our self-esteem.

 

So let me ask you: Do you love yourself? Can you extend your kindness and love towards your ownself?

 

If you crave happiness, connection, emotional strength and love in the world, you gotta stop being an asshole to yourself and love yourself more FULLY everyday.

 

#1 Meet the basic needs of yourself first

 

E.g. Full night sleep, eat nutritious food, train your body at least 3 times a week

 

If you overload your body with crap, your life is crap!

 

#2 Don’t ignore your emotions

 

Everytime we ignore our certain emotions and just “deal with life”, that ignored emotions will always come back STRONGER to make you pay attention to it.

 

E.g. Ignored stress -> anxiety ->panic attacks.

Ignored frustration-> anger-> rage.

Ignored sadness -> numbness ->depression.

 

Listen to your body and what your emotions are telling you.

 

They are signals on things you should or shouldn’t do MORE!

 

#3 Observe how you critize others

How you treat others externally often reflects how you treat yourself internally.

If you judge others harshly, you also judge yourself harshly when you feel bad.

 

So learn how to treat people with KINDNESS.

We don’t always know what others are going through.

Instead of judging so quickly, step back and be curious WHY they behave in certain ways.

That’s a little known way that helps you love yourself as well.

As we talked before, everyone has a masculine & feminine side of them. As a heterosexual man, if you want to attract feminine women, you should be 70-80% masculine at your core as your way of being.

 

But if you find yourself very successful and driven, but CAN”T SEEM to relate to women, that might because you are too Masculine and have DISCONNECTED from the feminine.  

 

Here are 3 ways to nurture that soft, open loving side of you.

 

#1 Move Your Body

 

Like ocean, hurricanes and weather, feminine energy is always moving, changing & shifting. So if you are stuck at home/office for long time, you will feel stuck!

 

=> Get your body moving, go for a walk, do a yoga class and stretch, dance so that you can activate your F energy via movement again.

 

#2 Learn How To  Receive Gracefully

 

M energy = penetrating force; F energy = receiving force that opens up

 

So by receiving love, energy, attention, you cultivate F energ.

 

=> Get a full body massage, treat yourself well and be served well in a restaurant, accept praises/gifts from people gracefully.

 

#3 Re-connect with your loved ones

 

If you haven’t met your parents/siblings/close friends for a long time, it’s time to catch up with them.

 

Because reconnecting with people you CARE about not only build relationships, but it helps reconnects YOUR feminine side.

 

=> So spend a few hours of quality time and see how each other has been going on, such deep conversations will HEAL you both.