[男女感情] 點解你30歲都仲係單身?
#1 缺乏信任
#2 害怕自己的舊有壞習慣
#3 曾經被傷害
#4 追隨不存在的ideal image
#5 過份保護自己
[男女感情] 點解你30歲都仲係單身?
#1 缺乏信任
#2 害怕自己的舊有壞習慣
#3 曾經被傷害
#4 追隨不存在的ideal image
#5 過份保護自己
[男女感情] 想墮入愛河?留意呢5點先好拍拖!
#1 唔好日日見
#2 尋找可信賴的朋友
#3 唔好咁快sex
#4 唔好特登改自己schedule
#5 感情外,建立自己lifestyle
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Man神:你好,我係啱啱開始follow你嘅subcriber。我宜家有一個拍左拖一年半嘅女朋友,但係我仍然覺得你嘅page啟發到我,會令我反省自己。
問題係拍拖耐左,女朋友放假會成日搵佢嘅朋友,而我就返part time所以同佢見面少左。我會好掛住佢,想成日whatsapp佢,甚至令佢覺得煩。我覺得自己開始變得clingy,我知道拍拖耐左要比私人空間對方,但控制唔到自己想搵佢嘅衝動。
我知道自己有好大嘅insecurity,害怕分手。另一方面,我好愛佢,想搵佢多d黎維繫感情。呢個dilemma令我內心爭扎好耐,希望Man神可以比d意見我,Tks! Marco
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#1 Yes Marco, you are right, when you become clingy, you will suffocate the relationship and your emotional neediness will repel her away.
Why neediness kill attraction?
Because it implies you have scared mating opportunity, that you are WEAK and UNRELIABLE as a man to get things you want.
As I said last time, Neediness comes from our need for something outside of ourselves to complete us. How independent are you?
How much neediness do you have towards other people? How lonely are you? How many people do you need others to complete your life?
The outcome of getting rid of neediness is a process of thinking critically and deeply about your Values and Principles, Boundaries, and Investing in yourself first, having a clear passionate purposeful life.
Then neediness fall off naturally, and then you learn flirting skills
Teaching needy guys with flirting skills, is like giving psychopaths guns, it hurts everyone!
#2 Right now, you said you LOVE her and want the relationship to work.
That’s good, but understand that the “love” you are describing is very likely not “love”, but a need for her to validate that you are worthy of receiving love.
So Marco brother, you know what a feminine woman wants?
The feminine wants to relax and lean on something strong; desires reassurance, stability, protection, attention; yearns to be filled
The masculine stands tall and strong like a mountain; provides reassurance and protection; finds fulfillment in himself.
Non-Neediness displays a lack of…
– Deference 恭敬從命- Approval seeking – Desperation and Begging
To fix your neediness in the short term,
– Eliminate the mental garbage from pop media, news, TV programs, most PUA material, and most status quo influences
– Fix your physiology, Diet, Fitness
But in the long term, you MUST figure out what your LIFE PURPOSE is.
A man’s purpose will be his guiding light through the challenges of life and love (David Deida), apart from women.
Self-fulfillment comes from finding those things that bring you pleasure and excelling in them.
Find your Purpose that contributes beyond yourself, be fully engaged with it,
then not only will you become the most attractive version of yourself, but also you’ll become the dream quality guy that high quality women want.
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Man 神 岩岩睇完你講解 嘅Q&A 片 覺得你用射箭去比喻真係好好
1a. 我想問 其實 對人 同 對事 嘅做法係咪唔同??
正如你所講對事物 目標 業績工作呢啲,只少你不斷行動 就會有進步 改變 ! !
就愈黎愈近你嘅目標 結果
但對人,我不停tryhard,不斷去行動 推進 又好似就有啲格硬黎 係人際關係上。
例如我唔鍾意人遲到 已讀不回 講野冇禮貌 唔識尊重人 呢啲。
如果我唔忍受,而我地應該着重自己控制到嘅事,例如 控制自己嘅思想 情緒 行動
1b. 但問題係,雖然我地唔可以去控制人,但我地可以用行動去影響人。
咁應該選擇同佢講?? 我應該作出行動嗎??
用自己 嘅 情緒 行動 嘗試去影響佢 改變他人。
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I have already answered these for you in the previous Q&A. One thing I will add, remember: Seek to understand before you seek to be understood.
When you’re able to do that, people will more receptive to LISTEN to you.
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1c. Man神 可唔可以再講多少少關於needy
Needy 係咪 唔係淨係對人嘅感情需求 認同??
對事 例如 我對某件事嘅 結果 好執着都算係needy?
但係點釐定 我嘅做法係needy???
我要做到過左咩位 先叫needy?
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Go watch my video: 點解咁多男人咁依賴 + 如何消滅自己的Neediness!
In short, neediness means you are EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to certain people/things that you NEED them to happen in order to feel that you are worthy. It means that you can’t be INDEPENDENT physically, emotionally and live your life.
Neediness comes from our need for something outside of ourselves to complete us. How independent are you? How much neediness do you have towards other people? How lonely are you? How many people do you need others to complete your life?
Whenever you attach your happiness to certain EXTERNAL things that you can’t control, you are begging for suffering.
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我第一下反應 嘅情緒 係唔開心 咁有冇問題??
但之後我可以改變自己嘅諗法, 重新詮釋成件事,向好嘅方面諗,情緒 心情變返 正常 穩定。
但係成件事上面,我開頭第一個下反應 情緒 係唔開心 咁樣算唔算控制唔到 情緒?
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As I said, NO emotions are bad.
情緒控制/ being a man doesn’t mean you repress your feelings OR close your heart and NOT feeling the juices of life!
A mature masculine man is someone who OPENS his hearts to FEEL EVERYTHING, whether it’s painful or joyful, whether you think it’s good/bad.
Emotion = Phenomenology 現象 + Judgement/Thought/Belief/Interpretation 詮釋
E.g. You see a dog, it suddenly barks you, your heart raise , you think it wants to attack you, so you feel dangerous and unsafe.
E.g. You see a dog, it suddenly barks you, your heart raise , but you know that’s Charlie, so you feel happy.
You can’t control what’s happening, but you can control how you CHOOSE to interpret that thing.
When you change your interpretation, you change the emotion without needing to change the 現象.
Don’t filter your thoughts or feelings, put them out there honestly. Say whatever the fuck you’re feeling, then there’s no GAME.
So from what you said, I think you will understand what I just said.
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Hi Manson 你啲片越來越到肉 希望之後個啲可以更好 加油
件事係咁嘅 我條囡(已經符合Manthefvckup嘅準則放心)XD
Anyway,佢俾佢個Ex煩住曬,係咁話要番8000蚊,話咩之前用黎氹佢嘅禮物錢,我心諗又一個Beta male,分左手仲搞埋黎啲野。
本身係無野嘅,咁我條囡之前唔知係咪傻左同左佢一齊,有佢屋企啲資料,
之後就搵伯母講話咩你個囡差我8000蚊咁啦,但事實上無,佢又係咁威脅佢,因為伯母俾佢Ex係咁煩會打佢一鍋金。
個ex仲要有佢啲肉體照威脅佢,話唔俾8000蚊就send曬俾伯母,仲要見 我Send左就一定GG,個Ex有一堆電話號碼 block唔曬。
我地應該點做?同佢傾?定同警察叔叔講?囡又唔想搞大件事 有咩解決方案 ?
Thx Man 希望早啲睇到 – P
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#1 Don’t use my standards and values to choose girls.
Although you do want a committed, responsible, independent, compassionate, empathetic, mature girl with a growth mindset to have a successful long term relationship , YOU gotta decide what you want.
#2 Well, don’t just blame the guy for being a weak beta male who’s trying to get $$ back to “save some face” in order to feel better about himself.
Yes, he has an extreme low self esteem, and he is doing these ugly stuff because he feels hurt.
BUT, a deeper problem is that very likely, the girlfriend you now have is very likely to be at the same caliber.
Otherwise, she would have the SUBSTANCE, SELF ESTEEM and WISDOM to know what kind of guys to be close with.
So bro, although she’s your gf now, I urge you to SCREEN CAREFULLY whether she truly fulfills the high quality traits I mentioned before.
Otherwise, it’s NOT the right relationship to enter into.
#3 As regards the 8000蚊 shit, and the crazy 伯母 who hits her daughter (WTF!?!?), there’s a few options you can choose:
– Continue to ignore that hurt animal, continue to block the numbers with patience, but this may lead him to do even crazier things.
– Give him $8000 directly, but he may use the pics as a means to further get more $$
– (Requires a lot of courage and maturity) Your girlfriend invites him out for a drink to talk about this issue.
Why?
Because Right now, this guy is deeply hurt, he is doing stupid things to get the attention from a LOVE he has lost, although on the outside he is angry and rude.
However, if your girlfriend can get him out, and have the self-control to LISTEN to his fears, pains, hurt and concerns,
WITHOUT trying to argue or explain herself, and if needed APOLOGIZE to him that she might have done something wrong too in the relationship that leads to a breakup…
….that tough guy WILL melt like a baby, feels that HE IS UNDERSTOOD and HEARD, and if he can MTFU, he will be reasonable and not further damage the relationship.
I know This is HARD to do, it requires a lot of courage, empathy, and emotional maturity,
but this is the BEST thing for both parties to HEAL from the mistakes they have made in the past.
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Yoyo Manson,最近睇你既溝女Q n A都有好多人講關於social life同吸引女性既話題。
我觀察發現好多身邊認識既男性同朋友都好多係圈子唔夠大,我慶幸係自己都有一兩個多人既大圈子,
但我開始都覺得唔夠,因為我social media唔亂加朋友,同埋自己同身邊fd都唔係玩開ig fb既人,所以我都唔多人follow ig fb like個D既。
=>#1 I am also “not the kind of person”who plays fb/ig, because you know, most people are using it as mindless entertainment looking at stupid shit, so I don’t want to be like that.
But more recently, I realizing that social media can be used as a TOOL to help spread your message. So if you want to magnify your impact to others, whether socially or professionally, you HAVE to use social media strategically.
咁細佬我都係從事開design個類行業,其實我一值進修同識不少行業圈子內既出色名人,我好有信心可以有番咁上下知名度,
但係溝女上過我有幾位鍾意過我既女性同ex都係呢個圈內既人,但我地都無聯絡,佢地係我既舊同學,event識既女仔。
因為當時細過過有neediness,self doubt令佢地離開左。即使我有健康既social life同每日過得好開心,但間中都會諗起呢D令我心切成長既人。我真係好想番搵佢地,所以我專加專注自己既passion。好閒話講到呢到!
我想令到自己不斷既名聲更上一層樓、圈子更加大,有屬於自己既帝國,我更排開始想開始搞自己personal website,
開始想拍片上youtube講述我業內有關既技術野同放自已作品,好似Manson開YouTube教導學生,甚至想係自己個行業Kol化我自己,唔知Manson你對於我呢個提議想法點睇呢?
=> #2 Awesome, it’s good that have fame. But remember that fame, like money/power, is another tool. Most people chase fame for vanity or ego validation, don’t do that.
If you want to pursue fame, do it strategically and purposefully. When you do it right, you will OPEN more DOORS of opportunity – whether socially, sexually, or professionally.
=> #3 Again, before you KOL yourself, understand what is the PURPOSE of doing so. Understand your WHY and REASONS behind doing this.
Story: I NEVER want fame or become a KOL. But I understand that if I truly want to create a big positive impact to the world, I cannot do it purely by hiding behind the screen.
Yes, you can become rich and successful secretly too, but our world is moving towards a world where we NEED to market, promote ourselves in order to get some ATTENTION.
So ask yourself: What kind of VALUE are you going to bring to the marketplace?
Are you going to be an entertaining character like many KOLs? Are you going to teach certain skills that you are good at?
Most importantly, if things are going well, can you handle the pressure from inevitable haters?
Can you let go of those malicious personal attacks or random critics from people who doesn’t have a real life?
Putting your face out there is a RISKY business, it is going to test your emotional strength. It’s a good training, so ask yourself if you want that.
咁樣一方面可以令自己人生更上一層樓,又可以制造到機會可以再次聯系搵呢幾位女士,想請教Manson呢知係咪一個好既方法呢?
Ps.假設我成功左又會唔會變得太完美令女人望而卻步呢😂thx -P
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#4 You NEVER approach those girls again. You paint a picture of awesome life via social media and let them approach you.
Successes/fame/money/achievements only AMPLIFIES who you really are.
If you’re a dick inside, you will be a dick when you succeed.
If you are a kind-hearted person with good intention, you will still be that person.
Again, don’t use your external shit to attract women. You never want women who only love your ACHIEVEMENTS but NOT loving who you truly are.
Use your behaviours and character to attract the right kind of women to you.
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Hi Man,
最近呢個星期先開始睇你嘅videos, 發覺自己做咗一啲你話唔應該做嘅野(e.g. neediness). 心諗如果早啲睇你嘅videos就好.
你係我第一個會寫email問感情嘅人,原因係我好認同你話要提升自己為1st priority. 唔講咁多,而家就講我嘅情況.
我出咗嚟做野都有2年, 從未拍過拖. 讀書時都有心儀對象, 不過都冇開始過. 咁我呢2年都有讀part time, 第一年就對某一個女仔有興趣,不過就冇去識佢. (我係被佢外表吸引).
之後係上年12月機縁巧合攞到佢電話, 傾咗3個星期到就嘗試約佢出街, 佢say yes. 之後佢我唔咩事佢開始冷淡, 我就好識做咁冇係咁chur佢, 亦都冇再約佢. 期間隔1, 2個月有whatsapp佢1, 2次, 佢一時時應.
=> Talked 3 weeks before asking her out. Common mistake: Too much rapport. She probably came out as a FRIEND. That’s why when she sensed your sexual advance, she turned cold and cut the communication.
係呢啲時間上堂都有撞到,大家都有傾下計. 咁有一次我話會send料俾佢做assignment但係我冇send到 (嗰時諗send嚟冇意思啦),
之後見到面say hi佢同我講番我冇send料俾佢, 仲話驚我好忙所以冇揾我 (而家諗番都唔知佢係咪講真).
=> Send assignments? Wow, you are putting yourself in the friendzone.
直到4月中我同佢開始有番whatsapp (因為6月考試), 大家都有back and forth but mainly focus on exam. (我都有send過啲好笑野不過佢净係俾咗個laugh cry emoji)
咁我就冇每日chur佢, 如是者去到5月中到, 我有一個msg佢冇睇過(佢睇咗有blue tick but從來熄last seen), 我就問佢你意見如何 (個msg我係問佢考試意見). 佢咗覆我之後我同佢講係另一樣野再問佢有咩意見, 跟住我發現佢睇完之後就block咗我! (before hand I can see her profile picture and status, after that cant see both).
咁我就用sms同佢講話如果有說話令到佢覺得唔舒服真係好對唔住, 當然佢冇覆我一直到宜家. 我有同啲fds講成件事, 佢地都百思不得其解.
=> That’s just an immature girl’s way of responding to needy guys they don’t want to see.
She probably feels that you’re just 特登搵話題 to get her attention, and feels that you still want her sexually.
She is rude, but many young immature girls who can’t woman up will treat guys in such cruel way.
其實我上堂啲fds都知道我對佢有興趣,而我亦知道有其他人追佢, 咁我啲fds就有invite佢exam之後出嚟玩, 佢都話好
(ps. All my fds are in a relationship or married). 嚟緊9月都會上堂到時會見到, 咁點算?
=》Ahhh, your friends know you like her, then she MUST know you like her. My guess is, she has received a TON of social pressure asking her how YOU and HER are.
To avoid that, she has no choices but to block 9 you, hopefully people won’t disturb her anymore.
我有以下嘅問題:
Thanks for your help. Regards, K
=> Great. You have 2 months now to create some vacuum space time. You must NOT communicate with her at any means during these periods. It’s time for you to turn COLD.
At the beginning, you should IGNORE her politely. She has treated you like shit, so if you still are being nice, you are just a weak pussy boy.
Of course, when in person, if she initiates contact/conversations with her, you can be neutral and respond lightly. BUT DO NOT engage with her too deep, and always TAKE AWAY first as if you are busy with dominating your path.
Now it’s testing PATIENCE between you and her. You must keep creating your own fun life regardless, and let her indirectly SEE that.
If you don’t just want friendships, then you can’t act like a friend like you used to be.
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我嘅情況同上次個溝女Q&A一樣,太Nice guy 比人friend zone左,所以我宜家決定左要唔再needy。
不過其實我都仲係鐘意嗰個女仔嘅,佢嘅性格好被動,我唔搵佢,佢唔會搵我,
我要點先可以係冇聯絡嘅情況下令佢鐘意我呢?定係我宜家應該要直接whatsapp話比佢聽: i dont need you and I treat you like ordinary ?
我同左熟左大約三個月,我要等幾耐先可以再出擊溝佢?一個bad boy嘅形象又點樣打造?
主要唔明嘅係我要點先可以唔做主動感樣得到,同佢溝通嘅機會?因為我地冇乜共同friend,好難有event 比佢join我
– K
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#1 Getting rid of neediness, is NOT just a logical rational step.
Your EMOTIONS need to be truly non-needy, independent if you truly want change, otherwise you will fall into the same trap again by your natural behaviors.
So learn to be an independent man,
learn to accept and love yourself when no one else will,
learn to DO THINGS that give you long term happiness and fulfillment,
participate in activities that make you PROUD and HAPPY,
and most importantly, start crafting your own PURPOSE of living your life etc.
#2 OMG, when you say “i dont need you and I treat you like ordinary ?“, what does that even mean and subcommunicate!?
It means that you CARE SO MUCH to let her know that “I am not needy” but in fact you are extremely needy, and EAGER to let her know your feelings.
#3 “Badboy”image is NOT just how you look in your style, it’s more about the CHARACTER TRAIT you need to slowly develop.
E.g. Are you being honest with the girl when all you want is SEX and not ready for a relationship? OR you want multiple light fun sex partners but not a girlfriend?
E.g. Are you the kind of ambitious man who NEVER settles for less than what you deserve, you FUCKS the status quo of being a work slave, and be proactive in pursuing your own dream?
E.g. Are you the kind of WARRIOR who can on one hand protecting a baby with your gentleness, but on the other hand CHOKE and KILL the fucking enemy who is attacking your family!?
If you have that physical, mental, emotional TOUGHNESS while having a HEART to help more people you want, you are the fucking badboy.
#4 Finally, despite 溝女 is NEVER about chasing, that doesn’t mean you need to be PASSIVE and do nothing, sitting at your home, and waiting girls to do all the work to get you.
Being PROACTIVE also doesn’t mean chasing, what 主動 means is that you take ACTION to get girls attention STRATEGICALLY, and slowly lure her in the seduction process, which I have explained in a few episodes before.
Also, about this girl. If she is SO indifferent, SO apathetic, SO cold about you,
why the fuck do you still try so hard to get these emotionless robots to like you?
Do you REALLY want such passive lazy inactive girl in your life?
What does that tell about your standards with girls?
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MAN 神 1.關於第一條問題 對已讀不回嘅NEEDY
我地應該着重自己控制到嘅事,例如 控制自己嘅思想 情緒 行動,
但雖然我地唔可以去控制人 但我地可以用行動去影響人。
其實有咩因素係要對件事,盡自己所能,作出行動?
睇件事對你重唔重要?因為已讀不回呢啲小事no big deal,所以唔洗去深究?
有啲事,例如最近我覺得朋友女朋友,有時講野有啲冇禮貌,呢啲事,我覺得重要,就可以作出行動,同佢地講, 大家去揾出原因,了解原因,深究?
因為其實我都幾唔鐘意啲人 冇禮貌 唔識尊重人
我明白世界咁大 實有人會對你無禮貌 無可能要求,但有時朋友對你冇禮貌真係唔好受 我會想同佢講 咁算唔算needy?
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#1 It seems that you are still STUCK in your head OVERTHINKING when is the right time to pull back and when is the right time to take action.
Let me share with you this:
Most people spend their MAJOR time on minor things.
e.g. talk about the weather, the stock you have never invested in, the tragic accidents in some places you have never been to, the celebrity wedding, office work gossip, how suck the government it, the intentions of North Korea etc.
It’s natural to do so because everyone does that, but following the status quo is almost always a way to guarantee an average mediocre life.
These concerns 關注 you have are things you have ZERO CONTROL on, only others can do something about it.
You are being REACTIVE to life, you are a victim because you feel like there’s nothing you can do to change it.
However, successful people are PROACTIVE, they focus their MAJOR EFFORTS on something they can do something about.
They focus on improving their health, be a better son/father/bf, mastering their wealth-generating skillsets, nurturing their relationships, training their IQ EQ etc.
So ask yourself this: Is what concerns me something I have DIRECT CONTROL (problems with your own behaviors/habits), INDIRECT CONTROL (problems with other people’s behaviors), or ZERO CONTROL (problems we can do nothing about with e.g. past realities)?
We have to WIN the private battle within ourselves before we win the public battle with the world.
Furthermore, you are not a fucking tree.
If you don’t like people’s behaviors, why the fuck are you PROACTIVELY putting yourself to endure such situations?
Change yourself before you try to change others.
Learn to ACCEPT ALL and live with problems you can’t change, even if you don’t like them. Be in peace with them.
When you have the COURAGE to change the things you can and what ought to be changed, the SERENITY to ACCEPT things which can’t be changed, and the WISDOM to distinguish between the two, you will WIN in every aspect of your life.
So to your Q, “囡囡已讀不回”, is this something you can change DIRECTLY?
If no, then have you somehow INDIRECTLY CONTRIBUTED to such situation?
If yes, how could your own BEHAVIORS change to minimize such incident to happen?
Same to the 無禮貌 thing.
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Hi Manson, Thanks for the explanation, I think I understand it better now.
Just want to give you an update: this summer, I have been hanging out and talking to my new and old friends. I really appreciate all of them and their support system. I tried out some new activities as well and it was a fun experience.
However, I still feel some emptiness in myself sometimes.
I still think about that girl who rejected me couple months ago. I thought I could distract myself with all these new people and activities, but I just seem to not be able to get over her. Should I just give it more time?
I still talk to her from time to time (maybe 1/2 messages a week), but I haven’t seen her for about a month now, even she asked me out. Maybe I should go radio silence with her.
Also, I think I need to learn how to not give a fuck for things that are out of my control.
I still think about from time to time why she would choose nerdy guys over me. But at the end of the day, all of these thoughts are useless and not helping me in any way.
Thanks, Mr. H
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#1 Must cut ALL communication in order to get over her. These contacting are emotional TRIGGERS that make you feel like “you aren’t good enough to deserve her.”
Also, it normally takes at least HALF amount of time to recover from “breakups”.
E.g. a 2 year relationship will take at least 1 year of zero contact to truly recover (of course it depends on other factors like what you are doing during those space time)
#2 How not to give a fuck about things you can’t control?
– When you give a fuck, you are in your HEAD THINKING and imagining certain scenarios that is NOT in the present moment.
Einstein “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”
The way to solve it is NOT to do it through LOGIC, which is at the same level as the problem is.
The way is to USE YOUR BODY to solve your mind problems.
The body is the mind, vice versa. When you have problems with your mind, solve it with your BODY by breaking your mental patterns
E.g. Get out and do a solid workout, go out and do some running, listen to high energy music and DANCE like crazy, SHAKE your body, BARK like a warrior king etc.
– Second way, is to DECIDE in advance what are the things you care so much and TRULY give a fuck about, focus on them so hard that you can’t give a fuck about small little stuff.
When you care about something so deeply WITHOUT forcing others to live your own philosophy,
and when you reserve the right to change your mind/opinion/philosophy at any time WITHOUT any prior notice for others, you are truly CAREFREE.
So for you, what actually MATTERS and what doesn’t? How are you going to live YOUR BELIEFS and VALUES in your own way?
If you develop a habit of being GRATEFUL every morning about the things you already have (food, people, your 5 senses, support etc.)
while you take action to grow bigger and better to serve a purpose BIGGER than your own benefit, you will not only succeed but also attain a heartwarming fulfillment.