作者: Man神

If you remember, we talked about why dependence will KILL every relationship, because your NEED for someone else to COMPLETE you will create unhealthy relationships.

 

That’s why we must first grow from dependence to independence stage.

 

But that’s stage 2, because if you stay too long/stuck in independence and autonomy stage, you won’t be able to experience something deeper: connection & intimacy.

 

That’s why you must then grow to stage 3 interdependence, where we learn to work with our partners to magnify our human experience.

 

If you are now too independent and FEEL quite lonely in your life, maybe it’s a sign that your life lacks connection and fulfillment.

 

Here’s 3 questions to guide you on how to lean on others in a healthy non-toxic way.

 

Tip #1 Think about where you are trying to “go alone” too much in your life. Where in your life are you afraid to ask for help? Love life? Job? Friends?

 

Are you doing to PROVE that you are capable of being independent, OR you are afraid that people will think you are WEAK when you ask for help?

 

Humans are social species. Apes alone weak, apes together strong.

At certain point of your life, you NEED to learn to let others in so that we help each other thrive.

 

Tip #2 How many “friends” in your life REALLY REALLY know you?

your fears, insecurities, dreams, aspirations etc.

 

If you have 1-5 great friends, that’s awesome because MOST people have ZERO 知己.

 

So be honest, if you don’t have any, it’s time to reach out to your old friends and maybe meet some new friends.

 

Tip #3 What are you scared to do most? Something that might make you look powerless, weak, vulnerable?

 

The truth is it’s VERY HARD to do it all alone as a lone wolf.

 

Our fears and insecurities are pointers on the areas where we may NEED other people to help us, teach us, nurture us, love us, help us grow.

 

Yes, being happy, independent, self-sufficient is a GROWTH from stage 1 dependence to stage 2 independence.

 

But if you truly want to dominate life faster, you will need INTIMACY or a COMMUNITY.

 

If being alone isn’t getting results you want, It’s time to listen to your HEART and take new action!

有冇試過覺得自己『唔夠好』去令對方鍾意自己，或者『自己唔值得被對方愛』呢？

 

我哋每個人都會有質疑自己價值嘅時候，無論係因為你父母對你過度嚴苛，又或者你女朋友太正令到你自卑嘅感覺，我哋都有一啲情感嘅包袱令我哋忘記點樣愛錫自己。

 

但係如果你想係一定感情之中感受到自己已經足夠，如果你想提升自己嘅自尊心嘅話，

 

你就必須學識點樣增加你對自己嘅愛，你對自己嘅self love，which is one of the MTFU’s core value.

 

#1 Use Compassion For Our Emotions

 

When we feel low/negative/low self-esteem, we especially with ambitious achievers can be TOO HARD on ourselves.

 

-> Treat your less desirable thoughts about yourself like a 3-year old child who has just fallen and hurt his knees

 

-> You won’t hurry to heal the hurt, you gently heal the woud and let the pain pass away while comforting him , NO judgement

 

Give room for yourself to BREATHE through the process and be compassionate towards your growth journey.

 

#2 Take Ownership Of Our Own Happiness

 

Truth: No one can make you feel happy, it’s YOUR duty to do it for yourself.

 

Why that’s a good thing? -> You are no longer a victim, you can choose to be empowered.

 

When you get this, you can CHOOSE to be whoever you want to be and be happy whenever you want it.

 

Stop judging yourself so harshly when you have a bad day or didn’t get what you want temporarily.

 

#3 Self-Love Letter Exercise

 

It’s natural to focus on our LACK/inadequacies/concerns because our brain is automatically searching for threats to make sure you survive.

 

But our brain isn’t designed to make us thrive or happy.

 

So if you can focus your attention on writing a self love letter on what you want to improve about yourself,

 

WHY you deserve to be loved,

 

WHAT you have already accomplished,

 

what qualities do you have to make you successful in life and love…

 

then it’s a great reminder on why you are GOOD ENOUGH.

 

#4 Celebrate small wins daily

 

Growth is a gradual, daily, never-ending process.

 

IT’s a way of BEING, it’s a mindset,  instead of a one time thing.

 

So you always want to REMEMBER how far you’ve gone in life, what you have learnt in the past,

 

why you are GRATEFUL for these LIFE LESSONS that are designed to help you become a better human being.

 

Take 3-5 mins a day to remember your accomplishments and these mini celebrations will build up your confidence and success.

 

#5 Environment is more powerful than willpower

 

No successful people can succeed if they spend time with people who drag them down, complain lives, bitch about gossips and do stupid shit.

 

Every 3 months, EVALUATE who you spend time with the most and see if they’re encouraging you the most.

 

If yes, then nurture that relationships.

 

If no, get the fuck out ASAP, even when sometimes those who love us the most fuck us up the most.

 

Conclusions: Whatever your path is, remember that SELF LOVE is the foundation of everything.

 

Your relationship  success, career achievement, and personal fulfillment all depend on it!

Dating is simple but not easy, especially in an age of social media and phone addiction, it’s HARDER for people to connect on DEEPER LEVEL.

 

But today you are happy, because you’re about to get on a “DATE”.

 

Maybe you met her online, maybe you’ve met each other via events, so how do you guarantee you won’t FVCK UP?

 

Tip #1 唔好淨係擔心對方想做咩，諗下自己做咩會令自己開心！

 

If you don’t enjoy the activities/place/food/event, no matter how NICE or thought out, she is not going to enjoy the time with you.

 

Emotions are contagious, if you feel boring/dull/unexcited, she is going to feel the same.

 

Rmb: Dating is supposed to be FUN-oriented, it’s NOT about an interview.

 

If you two can’t even have light, simple, zero-thinking FUN, you two aren’t compatible at all as a couple, and there’s no need to talk about deeper stuff.

 

So any “dates” must be fun-oriented, do something YOU will feel happy, then your “date” won’t feel like a traditional date and it’s so EASY to go to the next step.

 

Tip #2 Have high standards, but NOT a checklist.

 

Yes, quality men have high standards, but what you THINK you want is often NOT what you truly get attracted to.

 

So don’t treat your checklist items as MUSTs.

 

Instead, be OPEN to the REAL LIFE connection at a feeling level, at an energetic level, at a GUT level.

 

It’s not how great her online profile is written, it’s NOT about how funny/engaging her texts are,

 

it’s about the REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE with her at a deeper energetic level.

 

Instead of using your BRAIN/HEAD to THINK if she fits, use your HEART to FEEL if she’s someone you want to bring into your life.

 

Relationships are rarely pure LOGIC, it’s about the EMOTIONS and energy exchange you two feel.

 

POINT: If you meet a girl and can be INSPIRED by her, and she can be INSPIRED by you,

 

then maybe there’s a chance that you two can integrate with each other and explore the possibilities of a deeper relationship.

=======================

我呢，最近想認識一個女仔，但係我係果種唔識開口果種人，因為自己無乜異性緣，同其他女仔都未試過有單獨傾計既時間，每次都係一大班人咁樣傾。

 

但係我睇完你既影片，我都無法運用自如，更加用唔出泥，我仲讀緊書，而我真係好想變成一個成功既人。

 

希望你可以解答我點樣可以開口同人傾計同點保持關係。

 

你既影片好多時我感覺都係用係酒吧到，希望可以睇更多關於係非club既場合認識異性既影片，加油呀，我支持你 – Sky

=======================

＃1 Bro, stop giving excuses that I am “not that kind of guy” or “無乜異性緣”, you are reinforcing an OLD IDENTITY that is not serving you.

 

I am not teaching you any techniques now because all the talking techniques are already taught in past videos.

 

But let me ask you a deeper question: You said you want to become successful, but do you think a successful people will operate at such VICTIM mentality saying “oh, i never met girls in the past, I am not the kind of guy who speaks?”

 

If you want to be successful at anything, stop living in your OLD FUCKING STORY of what you failed, OR blaming your past.

 

MTFU and do something, I have already taught you: The best way to talk to people is to use your OBSERVATIONAL SKILL, use the environment, or use the CONTEXT of the situation and say something that is RELEVANT to the situation and RELEVANT to her.

 

E.g. I was in a gym, I saw a girl doing squat with her DB next to me.

 

Even though her form is good, I later talked to her “Hey, I just saw you doing squat over there. But your knees are a bit too forward, that might hurt your leg, be careful.”

 

BOOM, easy opener. She looked at me and giggled.

 

#2 You don’t like hanging out in bars? Great, I don’t pick up in bars much as well.

 

But are you actively doing ACTIVITIES you love?

 

How many times have I suggested you all to explore FUN SOCIAL activities for yourself?

 

When will you understand that your current lack of social activities is hurting your happiness and fulfillment as a man?

 

I bet you haven’t done shit bro. So what are you to complain?

 

How many videos have you watched? How much ACTION have you taken?

 

MTFU bro, I appreciate your support and that’s why I am being HONEST and having some tough love on you.

 

If you arent willing to help yourself, I can’t fvcking help you as well. Got i

=======================

最近去朋友派對，同新認識的女性朋友傾計，不過幾個都好冷淡，

因為對方冷淡所以我都冇抄到對方電話，費事抄d冷電話返來，點解決呢個問題

=======================

#1 60/40, 70/30 Interaction Rule -> You aren’t the only one in the interaction!

Pay attention to females’ response, be AWARE if they are OPEN at all.

 

#2 You actually did well, nothing wrong with it, are you enjoying yourself though?

 

If you are not having FUN and enjoying these kinds of social environment, it’s counterproductive to your success.

 

#3 Success is in the ACTION, not the OUTCOME of it.

 

Keep trying, keep experimenting, keep increasing your sample size before you draw conclusions.

Yo Man, 終於有個機會可以問你野 XD

 

自從新識左一個女仔以來一直謹守你的教導，例如be an Alpha male﹑少text﹑push & pull等等。

 

然而，唔知係咪因為佢上星期出TRIP 大陸，我show太多關心，或者其他原因 (費事估啦，我情願將焦點放係solution)…

 

尋晚收到佢msg，大意係: 覺得同我相處好有壓力，普通朋友唔應該咁之類blahblahblah。

 

佢之前一D表現 (例如佢會qualify自己﹑特登比佢去end text轉頭又會撩返我 << 算唔算呢?) 令我相信佢應該對我有好感 (或者學你講，assume佢有!)。

 

我的問題係，我應該點回應 (或唔回應)? 佢咁講，係咪都係一種shit test? 定有其他用意?

 

BTW，好多謝你的教導! 應該真係有好多兄弟需要呢類教戰! Thanks,Marty

==================================

#1 There isn’t enough information on why you fucked up.

 

But one obvious thing is as you said “唔知係咪因為佢上星期出TRIP 大陸，我show太多關心，或者其他原因”…

 

it shows that you show too much SWEET CARING as a friend and LACK sexual tension.

 

If she says “覺得同我相處好有壓力，普通朋友唔應該咁”, this implies that she really sees you as a FRIEND.

 

At some point, you tried to escalate to a more sexual relationship from a foundation of FRIEND, it rarely works that way and that is why the girl feels your advance and feels pressure.

 

Remember: It’s hard to use a normal “caring friend” image to seduce her, it rarely works that way.

 

It’s much better if you come out as a “I am sexually interested in you, I want to see who you are, but it’s cool if you don’t want that and I will move on” frame.

 

#2 You have 2 options now:

 

Either hang out as a normal just-friend, OR cut that communication for now.

 

It’s not a shit test, it’s just the TRUTH that you haven’t made her feel SEXUALLY DESIRED first before you establish so much emotional rapport as a friend.

 

So learn from this experience, pick an option,

 

watch more MTFU’s videos and move on to the next girl.

Hi Man神，最近小弟發現左自己讀書十幾年D英文都係半桶水咁，Grammar 底打得麻麻地。

 

而我亦都深深明白識英文嘅重要性，無論學問又好,溝外國女又好,Build up自己d values 都好,真係好有用。

 

所以Man神, 有冇個基本文法以外嘅grammar list可以比我知道(例如倒裝句之類 Thx ：)

 

Ps 雖然睇落同溝女冇關係,但係我相信英文可以有助我地成為alpha male (如果我冇錯嘅話XD

 

Btw 之前invite 女果封newsletter,我查完之後發現, me and my friends 好似要係object 先得?! —-某位中學生上

 

#1 English used to be my PASSION when I was studying, it comes natural to me but I have spent many years since kindergarten to be comfortable with this skill.

 

Right now, I know how to use English fluently, and I use English without any thoughts (Unconscious Competence),

 

but I am no longer in the STUDY MODE so I don’t pay too much attention to grammar in my communications.

 

#2 But what I can tell you is that great yes if English isn’t about reciting vocabs or using inversions,

 

mastering English is about being effective in your communication so that you can read, write, speak, listen and understand.

 

#3 I can’t teach you now because I really not in the exam field anymore, but here’s what I DID in the past to be the top 2% English in exams.

 

– Experiement a ton of English tutors until I find the right ones.

 

Some are more grammar-focused/old school English, some are more exam-oriented and teach you SKILLS to excel. You need both. So find your tutorial teachers.

 

– If you want to excel, you do ALL CE, AL, DSE past papers available.

 

That’s what all C grades or above students do and you gotta do them to get a feel of how English can be examined.

 

– The more immersion you have in English, the easier you know how to INTEGRATE it in your life.

 

Everyone says that they watch movies, read books and speak in English to become good.

 

I think I got Bs instead of As mainly because I lacked these. I missed the immersion part.

 

So if you could make English part of your life, there’s no reason you won’t improve.

Man神你個Q&A好正呀！學左好多嘢！

 

最近想溝一個女仔，有啲野想請教，呢個女仔係IG認識，佢一開始都有邀請我參加佢同朋友嘅活動拉，不過個日就冇咩點講野，

 

不過wts都有keep住傾幾日，因為我見到佢冇主動搵我拉，咁我就試下唔搵佢、過幾日又真係搵返我，自從個日一齊玩完後、大家都有開個Group下次再約。

 

=> #1 Why didn’t you chat with her in real person? You’ve wasted your opportunity because REAL PERSON interaction is what matters.

 

#2 Constant Whatsapp communication afterwards, what does that communicates?

 

You are a boy who is afraid to talk to her in REAL PERSON, and rely on this “safe platform” to try to seduce her.

PLUS, you are overcommunicating, which means you are already in FZ.

 

咁到宜家，成班人都出左3-4次，仲有玩咩真心話大冒險遊戲，佢啲朋友都知我對佢有興趣，個女仔亦都話未追過點知呢？

 

咁我想問我係咪要開始約佢單獨出街，培養下感覺，普通出街做下啲窩心動作，盡快去行動呢？

 

因為佢又知我鍾意佢、佢又應該有感覺，不過我地近排都好少wts，只係有兩日佢無哪哪會問下我野，我IG回應下佢咁，不過對話都係傾一陣就斷。應該點做呢？因為知道出到街又係另一件事。

 

=》#1 Why the fuck her friends know you are interested in her? That’s fucked up already.

 

#2 Even that girl knows you like her and verbally says so?

 

Oh boy… that tells me that your behaviors have been too nice, too sweet…

 

And you even ASKS her “if you should date her?”, is that what a man do? Ask girls permission to date her!?

 

個女仔都算幾靜、係一啲人面前唔係咁鍾意講野，不過出到黎都講多左，而我本身亦都係比較少野講嘅人，有時就會驚諗唔到話題講呀咁，wts都講左唔少，而且之前都溝過幾個女仔、都失敗告終，令到自己每次都有啲擔心，

 

甚至唔知點溝一個女仔，先可以一齊到令佢鍾意自己，吸引佢，亦有好多朋友話個時間錯左，有啲野太遲講，

 

所以我都開始混亂，成日覺得自己可以付出好多，不過做左女仔又冇咩感覺咁，所以都開始反思緊、應該點做呢，所以希望man神可以幫下手、比啲意見 唔該你

 

=> 『成日覺得自己可以付出好多，不過做左女仔又冇咩感覺咁』, You are good guy with heart, but you don’t fucking understand how attraction works.

 

You are also a typical nice guy, who hopes to DO STUFF FOR GIRLS and logically hope she will like you.

 

Ok bro, I bet you haven’t watched much of my videos.

 

There’s so much foundational concepts you aren’t getting e.g. teasing, challenging, having FUN

 

My challenge to you:

 

If you want to understand why you fuck up, go watch my past videos on nice guys, challenging, teasing, neediness.

 

That’s the most urgent thing you need to do now.

=======================

Yo manson！Ken again….我放棄左之前我講過fdzone左我既女仔，再次展開新既精彩旅程…

 

突然有個fd搵返我，叫我陪佢行mk。我嗰日好chill，諗到咩就講咩，吾覺意可能attract到佢…（佢都算係高質野）。

 

佢之後去左個trip，期間都有flirt我…完左之後，仲話想我接機..話想見我…係巴士個時仲借我膊頭呢用..so sweet

 

正當我考慮接吾接受佢既時候….之後我可能關心得佢多左…佢feel到啲野.就無啦reject我。WTF？

 

我呆左陣…問佢show interest既動作點解，佢話有小小姐…不過我之後都解釋返俾佢聽，Care not equal to love…(畢竟confess=lose everything)

 

但係我覺得幾可惜，所以想問下man神，呢段感情仲有冇possibility…

=======================

In short, you have fallen into FZ without you realizing it.

 

＃1  You thought you were chilling, saying whatever you like and attracting her.

But pay attention to the CONTEXT, you said『突然有個fd搵返我，叫我陪佢行mk。』, this already subcommunicated that SHE treats you as a friend.

 

You 陪佢行mk means that you’re already investing your TIME/ENERGY doing friends stuff.

 

To her, you are SO EASY to get you to do stuff with her, and that’s NOT a sexy attractive trait man.

 

#2 『想我接機..話想見我…係巴士個時仲借我膊頭呢用..so sweet』

-> Another compliance test. Again, you’re saying YES too easily and overinvesting your time to do these “sweet boyfriend behaviors”before you two had sexual contacts.

-> You thought would lead you to bf/gf, but in fact too much sweetness/ niceness BEFORE you two are bf/gf often won’t produce the results you want.

 

#3 『之後我可能關心得佢多左…佢feel到啲野.就無啦reject我。』

 

-> See? You already said you CARE about her too much, which isn’t something you should do BEFORE you enter a relationship.

 

-> “Care not equal to love”: What she really means is that “she likes the attention/caring/niceness you give to her,

 

but she can’t FEEL AROUSED SEXUALLY,

she can’t feel the BADNESS/EDGINESS/MYSTERIOUSNESS from you.

She can’t feel your STRENGTH to say no to her and do stuff you like.

 

-> She can’t feel the SEXUAL TENSION from you challenging/teasing/making fun of her.  That’s why she can’t “feel aroused enough”to convince herself logically she is falling in love with you.

 

-> Learn from this and move on.