作者: Man神

Yo！我喺MTFU嘅Man神啊。

 

＃1 你對自己嘅性生活滿唔滿意呢？

 

如果你係坦白嘅話，可能你都會搵到一兩樣嘢想改善下，

 

無論係做愛嘅次數多啲，又或者每次做愛時你同你嘅partner可以多啲激情。

 

無論係點都好，有好幾份科學研究報告就分享咗，

 

原來Sexual Passion係有分兩種：

 

Harmonious／和諧式嘅性愛激情 VS Obsessive／癡迷式嘅性愛激情。

 

＃2 所謂嘅『和諧式嘅性愛激情』，

 

就係講緊當性愛喺能夠恰當地整合，並且同其他部分部份嘅自己和睦共處，唔會影響到自己其他嘅areas。

 

亦都即係話：如果你能夠將性愛同其他活動一樣，融入成為自己生活中嘅一部分，而唔係人生嘅全部；

 

咁樣除咗你同你嘅伴侶會減少磨擦之外，你都更加能夠有效率地控製到自己嘅性慾。

 

相反，一啲沉迷喺『癡迷式性愛激情』嘅人，佢哋除咗性生活唔美滿之外，佢哋嘅感情亦都會好飄忽唔穩定。

 

 

＃3 點樣知道自己係咪墮入咗『癡迷式性愛激情』嘅陷阱呢？你要問下自己以下兩條問題：

 

第一，性愛對你嚟講係咪一種目標呢？

 

如果你覺得sex喺你每日做嘢checklist裡面其中一樣嘢，

 

你咁樣嘅mindset除咗會製造一啲好唔健康嘅relationship之外，你亦都會損害自己搞嘢嘅機會。

 

你越係覺得得到sex係一種achievement，你就會越難得到佢。

 

因為sex本身就係一啲自然會發生嘅事情，性愛原本就係兩個玩得埋啱傾嘅人慢慢會到達嘅位置；

 

如果你咁desperate一定要今晚扑到嘢，你最後就自己搞喎原本個flow。

 

＃4 第二，性愛係咪你大腦唯一諗到嘅嘢呢？

 

如果你行街見到某條索女廣告，跟住十幾分鐘都係咁幻想自己同條女扑野，咁樣就代表你係完全唔能夠控制自己性慾。

 

間唔中諗下咸濕嘢當然係好正常啦，男人女人都會咁做；

 

但係如果你諗嘅嘢／講嘅話題／做嘅嘢／全部都淨係純粹圍繞住sex，你好可能就已經性上癮。

 

＃5 重點就係：如果你想提升性愛美滿度，你就要學習『和諧地』面對性愛呢樣嘢。

 

除咗一方面你係唔應該讓sex控制自己所有思想行為，但係另一方面你都唔好害怕sex呢個話題。

 

因為真相就係：性愛只係每一個健康嘅人每一日生活嘅一部分，同你平時刷牙洗麵食飯飲水一樣咁正常普通。

 

當你能夠接受sex is no big deal，唔好過份沉迷佢或者逃避佢，你自然嘅性吸引力就會自動增加，你能夠得到嘅性愛機緣亦都會大大增加！

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Hi man 我想問下我應該點做。我今年 17 歲，升 F6.

 

話說之前我去咗一個小學 gathering , 發覺我鐘意咗其中一個小學同班女同學。其實我地小學都幾 friend, 但 5 年冇見我地好似疏遠咗。

 

但係我又吾知點有進一步關係，因為我又吾知direct 佢講乜好，次次早嚟食飯都係成大班人，好難真係 private chat.

 

佢係一個比較靜嘅女仔，Whatsapp 又吾係成日睇，我地班同學約咗遲d成班出嚟打邊爐，我應該點樣令佢對我有興趣 or 好感？

 

我嗰日應吾應該主動約佢一齊搭地鐵去打邊爐？(因為我地住好近)我應該做d乜？Thanks man.

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＃1 When in group settings, you must find “excuses” or moments where you two are isolated with each other.

 

Do not try to attract/escalate in front of others, girls don’t want to be slut-shamed so you must seduce her in private settings.

 

#2 If you want her to be interested in you, do more “passive indirect attraction”.

 

You should have already be DOING fun social stuff in your life, and posting cool pics and videos. Let her see you via these social media means.

 

#3 If you really want to invite her, you could just let her know that “Hey, I will be taking MTR to the hotpot place, feel free to join me.”

 

#4 You gotta start to spark more attraction.

 

Right now everything is boring, bland, non-emotional charged, no teasing, no banter, no fun playful challenging stuff. Get to that when possible ASAP!

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MAN神妳好!我系壹名廣州嘅學生，亦系妳嘅擁躉，衷心希望妳可以解答我嘅問題（知道妳唔慣睇簡體字，所以特登轉左繁體）:最近想追壹個女仔，不過唔知點下手。

 

=> New bro，you haven’t watched my videos about 『追女仔／自殺』, do your research about that!

 

話說有壹日我喺自習室見到壹個好Q嘅女仔，好想去認識佢。咁巖果晚落大雨，好快自習室就只剩下我地兩個。於是我以冇帶雨傘為籍口（其實有帶）邀請佢同我共用雨傘回宿舍，佢答應了，整個過程都系用普通話（插壹句，我地呢代廣州人雖然母語系粵語，不過喺學校基本系用普通話）。

 

於是小弟壹邊擔雨傘，壹邊同佢傾計。我問佢可唔可以講粵語，得到同意之後對佢產生左莫名嘅親切感。雖然回宿舍的路程很短，但是仿佛走了很久。

 

=》 Story: I remember that exact feeling when you think 『雨中漫步』, that’s how I exactly fucked up a decade ago when I was romanticizing the whole damn 1 -min scene with a girl LOL  

 

到了我宿舍（她宿舍喺後面）我主動提出請佢飲野，佢壹開始反對，不過我壹再堅持要請。幾翻推讓之後請到，我居然唔記得加佢wechat，講左句byebye就真系byebye了，從此再亦冇見過佢。

 

=》You are trying TOO HARD to be nice. And you behaved like a 雨夜屠夫 who plans to poison her, rape her and kill her! Don’t do that next time.

 

If you had balls, you could have honestly tell her from the beginning that

 

“Hey, actually I am kidding. I do have an umbrella with me, I just want to find an excuse to talk to you because I find that you’re quite hard working like me. But I start to get distracted by your cute face so I had to say hi and see if you’re also an approachable person ;)”

 

從那天起我經常都守在自習室等佢，也去過佢嘅臺面。我地中國學生有條規矩，系自習室臺面擺低壹本書，表示霸左位。佢臺面嘅書堆積如山，壹睇就知道同我壹樣咁鐘意讀書。

 

可能怕影響其他自習的同學，抑或怕被清潔工搬走書本，佢臺面留有壹小紙條，上面寫左佢姓名同埋電話。於是我將佢電話號碼保存在通訊錄，好快通過APP嘅功能查到佢嘅QQ，WeChat，微博，甚至Instagram賬號。

 

=> OMG… you really sound like a creepy stalker!!!

 

You are like stalking her personal details. Even if you can find her, she will feel so UNSAFE that you are secretly planning stuff on her! That’s scary to her!

 

雖然佢Instagram喺2014年之後冇更新（當年IG被大陸封殺），但我都可以初步了解到佢嘅興趣，性格特質。與此相比，佢嘅微博就似乎好少玩。同埋我了解到佢應該系單身，目前正在準備壹個考試，並且好可能繼續升學。我計劃喺佢離開之前借故偶遇她壹面。

 

但系萬萬冇想到，喺前幾日佢臺面上嘅書包括那張寫有聯系方式嘅紙條已經被清走。而我冇見到佢清走，畢竟我不可能24小時守在那裏。更慘嘅系，之前保存喺通訊錄的電話號碼被我誤刪。我想加佢WeChat，不過唔知點開口，因為成件事顯得好唐突，況且人地可能遺忘了我。MAN神求妳指點迷津！

 

#1 You are doing a lot of “BACKGROUND RESEARCH”of her stuff before you actually know the REAL HER. This is a stalker behavior that will scare girls away.

 

#2 You are OVER-ROMANTICIZING the whole situation and future-projecting what could happen between you and the girl.

 

You are OVER INVESTING time/energy in this girl before you two even had some FUN. Everything you are doing still demonstrates that you are needy.

 

#3 You’ve already fucked up for not taking FULL ACTION when you had opportunity, meaning exchanging wechat.

 

The only way you can attract her is that next time you meet her, you can say sth like “Oh hey, you are the girl who borrowed umbrella for me?”

 

Depending on her reactions, tell her the same thing you should have said in the first place. 

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Hi Man 神!你好!! 我真係好鐘意聽你嘅youtube channel, 全靠你嘅channel 我先明白到自己以前嘅needy有幾嚴重..同埋 點樣先可以慢慢成位alpha male!! 多謝你 !!

 

近日, 我係公司遇到一個新嘅女同事, 我唔識佢, 亦都唔同team, 做嘢嘅地方都唔係同一個場,

 

我地係返工拍卡嘅時候, 擦身而過, 我就俾佢嘅外貌吸引到我望佢, 我地對望左嘅秒就各自去返自己嘅地方做嘢。

 

=> Did you smile at her? Could have smiled and said hi, or sth like “Oh, I haven’t seen you before, you must be the new colleague?”

 

係收工過陣我又再見到佢!! 我衝破自己嘅關口過去say hi!   當時我話:「hi ! 我硬係覺得唔知邊度見過你…好熟口面 」, 佢望住我呆左一陣話:「係咩?」

 

佢問返我:「你team 幾㗎?」我答返佢team 幾之後 , 我就問佢叫咩名, 佢就好怕醜望第度笑左一笑先答我, 因為佢好似好趕, 我冇同佢介紹自己同扼手就走左🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

 

=> Good action taken. Even it’s imperfect, at least you initiated contact.

 

果日之後, 因為大家輪班返嘅更份唔同,  我成兩個禮拜都冇見到佢….

 

今日返工朝早見到佢拍卡, 我走埋去哎佢, 佢呆左半秒先回應我…我都feel 都佢可能已經忘記左我…. 我個腦太緊張, 須然我冇做nice guy…

 

但我都feel 到自己講緊廢話, 唔知點解… 係佢面前硬係唔識得自然流露,

 

=>You could have said “Oh hi, it is you again.”

 

收工見到佢拍完卡同一兩個fd 行緊去巴士站, 我用自然嘅步伐行去佢附近, 哎佢 我以一個好似識左好耐嘅vibe 咁去問佢:「去邊呀?」

 

佢有呆左半秒先望過嚟… 又笑住咁答我話:「返屋企囉。」 跟住我地就覺自去返自己嘅巴士站到等車…..

 

=> Now, your behaviors start to be like a creepy guy who is stalking her.

 

Man 神!!! 究竟我可以點樣做得好d , 點樣練習可以令自己講嘢流暢d, 我有不斷去令自己social d , 不斷地同唔同嘅人去玩 去flirt 去練習… 但偏偏係佢面前就邊得好唔自然….

 

多謝呀Man 睇我打咁長嘅文🙏🏻🙏🏻Thx!!! 史葛!! 或者Scott !!

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＃1 Understand the CONTEXT of the situation, it’s in WORK environment, which is a place I don’t recommend hitting on girls.

 

Otherwise, you’re risking both of your careers and social reputation in case things go wrong.

 

#2 Whenever you try to talk to her, it’s best that you are ALREADY talking with someone.

 

E.g. you see her somewhere, you chat with colleague X, let her overhear what you guys are chatting about, and MAYBE just a quick hello gesture to her.

 

#3 Being social means you’re chatting with EVERYONE, not just this new girl.

 

If you can display your social side more indirectly in front of her before you hit on her, things will go smoother and more natural/subtle.

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Man 神，我依加终于明白点解你教我地唔好媾死一条女。因为我地真系唔知下一秒会发生滴咩事，尼一秒条女可以好爱你，可能下一秒就唔再爱你。

 

=》No that’s not the reason. You don’t invest NOT because you are scared that you will be fucked over by bad girls, and decide to close your heart.

 

The reasons of NOT overinvesting in one girl in the beginning are multifold:

 

– When you first meet a new girl and you are overvaluing on her, that tells both your subconscious mind and the girl that you operate at a scarcity level.

 

Your life lack women, so you are so scared of losing this only chance. When you have such mentality, your behaviors are NEEDY as fuck, and that’s NOT attractive as a man to a woman.

– It’s easy for guys to overvalue a girl by just one glance.

 

So many boys have ZERO standards in choosing girls and they only care about their looks and whether that girl can make them LOOK GOOD in front of their friends.

 

So if you invest in her heavily too quickly, you are putting her in pedestal, and you will be in chasing mode just like every beta male loser.

– You aren’t objective if you only see 1 girl.

 

There are TRULY MANY options of high quality single women out there.

 

When you see only one girl at the beginning, you are having a myopic view of what is available in the marketplace.

 

Your decision will be shortsighted and blindfolded and you are likely to make a bad decision – whether the girl is truly good or not.

 

系唔同既阶段，我地所要既也都唔同，所以我地唔应该拿尼一秒既也去套用系下一秒既也。 爱情能唔能长久，真系唔到我地去控制，你教我地要终于自己先只系王道，女仔尼家也，真系唔可以放系第一位，他只是生命既点缀，唔系全部。

 

就算我地可以坚持到尼份爱情，对方未必需要你既坚持，可能对方已经到左一个决定既时机，而我们唔符合尼一个时机既条件，所以我地会卑淘汰，真系唔可以去怪边个边个－O

 

=> Yes, we cannot CONTROL whether a relationship will work in the long term. And yes, staying true to your path and not letting other people disturb you from your mission is important.

 

But that doesn’t mean you can LEARN to magnify/extend the passion and love within a relationship with women.

 

Do not use your path as an excuse to stay as a fuckboy, growing up as a man and learning to develop man-woman relationships (which will trigger you emotionally the most) is a journey MOST PEOPLE fail.

 

Attracting women is easy, being a fuck up hooking up is easy,

 

developing a long term relationship that is PASSIONATE, FUN, UNPREDICTABLE, where both parties understand each other deeply, where both are RELATE to each other, and HELP EACH OTHER GROW, is 100X harder!

 

Learn the reasons why, learn the psychology behind, and RISE ABOVE that challenge, instead of escaping from it.

[男女感情] 點解你30歲都仲係單身？

#1 缺乏信任

#2 害怕自己的舊有壞習慣

#3 曾經被傷害

#4 追隨不存在的ideal image

#5 過份保護自己

[男女感情] 想墮入愛河？留意呢5點先好拍拖！

#1 唔好日日見

#2 尋找可信賴的朋友

#3 唔好咁快sex

#4 唔好特登改自己schedule

#5 感情外，建立自己lifestyle

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Man神：你好，我係啱啱開始follow你嘅subcriber。我宜家有一個拍左拖一年半嘅女朋友，但係我仍然覺得你嘅page啟發到我，會令我反省自己。

 

問題係拍拖耐左，女朋友放假會成日搵佢嘅朋友，而我就返part time所以同佢見面少左。我會好掛住佢，想成日whatsapp佢，甚至令佢覺得煩。我覺得自己開始變得clingy，我知道拍拖耐左要比私人空間對方，但控制唔到自己想搵佢嘅衝動。

 

我知道自己有好大嘅insecurity，害怕分手。另一方面，我好愛佢，想搵佢多d黎維繫感情。呢個dilemma令我內心爭扎好耐，希望Man神可以比d意見我，Tks! Marco

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#1 Yes Marco, you are right, when you become clingy, you will suffocate the relationship and your emotional neediness will repel her away.

 

Why neediness kill attraction?

Because it implies you have scared mating opportunity, that you are WEAK and UNRELIABLE as a man to get things you want.

 

As I said last time, Neediness comes from our need for something outside of ourselves to complete us. How independent are you?

 

How much neediness do you have towards other people? How lonely are you? How many people do you need others to complete your life?

 

The outcome of getting rid of neediness is a process of thinking critically and deeply about your Values and Principles, Boundaries, and Investing in yourself first, having a clear passionate purposeful life.  

Then neediness fall off naturally, and then you learn flirting skills

 

Teaching needy guys with flirting skills, is like giving psychopaths guns, it hurts everyone!

 

#2 Right now, you said you LOVE her and want the relationship to work.

 

That’s good, but understand that the “love” you are describing is very likely not “love”, but a need for her to validate that you are worthy of receiving love.

 

So Marco brother, you know what a feminine woman wants?

 

The feminine wants to relax and lean on something strong; desires reassurance, stability, protection, attention; yearns to be filled

 

The masculine stands tall and strong like a mountain; provides reassurance and protection; finds fulfillment in himself.

 

Non-Neediness displays a lack of…

 

– Deference 恭敬從命- Approval seeking – Desperation and Begging

 

To fix your neediness in the short term,

 

– Eliminate the mental garbage from pop media, news, TV programs, most PUA material, and most status quo influences

 

– Fix your physiology, Diet, Fitness

 

But in the long term, you MUST figure out what your LIFE PURPOSE is.

 

A man’s purpose will be his guiding light through the challenges of life and love (David Deida), apart from women.

 

Self-fulfillment comes from finding those things that bring you pleasure and excelling in them.

 

Find your Purpose that contributes beyond yourself, be fully engaged with it,

 

then not only will you become the most attractive version of yourself, but also you’ll become the dream quality guy that high quality women want.

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Man 神  岩岩睇完你講解 嘅Q&A 片 覺得你用射箭去比喻真係好好

 

1a. 我想問  其實 對人 同 對事    嘅做法係咪唔同？？

正如你所講對事物 目標 業績工作呢啲，只少你不斷行動 就會有進步  改變 ! !

就愈黎愈近你嘅目標 結果

 

但對人，我不停tryhard，不斷去行動 推進 又好似就有啲格硬黎  係人際關係上。

例如我唔鍾意人遲到 已讀不回 講野冇禮貌 唔識尊重人 呢啲。

如果我唔忍受，而我地應該着重自己控制到嘅事，例如 控制自己嘅思想 情緒 行動

 

1b. 但問題係，雖然我地唔可以去控制人，但我地可以用行動去影響人。

咁應該選擇同佢講??   我應該作出行動嗎??

用自己 嘅 情緒 行動 嘗試去影響佢  改變他人。

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I have already answered these for you in the previous Q&A. One thing I will add, remember: Seek to understand before you seek to be understood.

 

When you’re able to do that, people will more receptive to LISTEN to you.

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1c. Man神 可唔可以再講多少少關於needy

 

Needy 係咪 唔係淨係對人嘅感情需求 認同？？

對事 例如 我對某件事嘅 結果 好執着都算係needy?

但係點釐定 我嘅做法係needy???

我要做到過左咩位 先叫needy?

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Go watch my video: 點解咁多男人咁依賴 + 如何消滅自己的Neediness！

 

In short, neediness means you are EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to certain people/things that you NEED them to happen in order to feel that you are worthy.  It means that you can’t be INDEPENDENT physically, emotionally and live your life.

 

Neediness comes from our need for something outside of ourselves to complete us. How independent are you? How much neediness do you have towards other people? How lonely are you? How many people do you need others to complete your life?

 

Whenever you attach your happiness to certain EXTERNAL things that you can’t control, you are begging for suffering.

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2. Man 神 我想知 如果面對 例如：朋友嘅已讀不回，,或者拒絕，或者面對失敗

我第一下反應 嘅情緒 係唔開心  咁有冇問題？？

 

但之後我可以改變自己嘅諗法， 重新詮釋成件事，向好嘅方面諗，情緒 心情變返 正常 穩定。

但係成件事上面，我開頭第一個下反應 情緒 係唔開心 咁樣算唔算控制唔到 情緒？

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As I said, NO emotions are bad.

 

情緒控制/ being a man doesn’t mean you repress your feelings OR close your heart and NOT feeling the juices of life!

 

A mature masculine man is someone who OPENS his hearts to FEEL EVERYTHING, whether it’s painful or joyful， whether you think it’s good/bad.

 

Emotion = Phenomenology 現象 + Judgement/Thought/Belief/Interpretation 詮釋

 

E.g. You see a dog, it suddenly barks you, your heart raise , you think it wants to attack you, so you feel dangerous and unsafe.

 

E.g. You see a dog, it suddenly barks you, your heart raise , but you know that’s Charlie, so you feel happy.

 

You can’t control what’s happening, but you can control how you CHOOSE to interpret that thing.

 

When you change your interpretation, you change the emotion without needing to change the 現象.

 

Don’t filter your thoughts or feelings, put them out there honestly. Say whatever the fuck you’re feeling, then there’s no GAME.

 

So from what you said, I think you will understand what I just said.

#1 You probably understand that when you chat with girls,

 

you DON”T want to enter into interview mode where you ask her a TON of questions.

 

But sometimes, you may encounter a situation where instead of flirting, bantering, connecting,

 

some girls may ask you TOO many personal questions TOO early and you feel like you are being interrogated.

 

If that happens, what should you do?

 

#2 When you FEEL that this girl is interviewing you and qualifying you as a candidate, and you start to get annoying … you can playfully say:

 

『Well Katie, 多謝你邀請我上嚟你個節目。』

 

-> You are implying she is interviewing you, and if she is smart, she will understand what you mean.

 

But if she still continues, you can strengthen your friend and say:

 

『哦，我哋嚟緊齣電影出年先至會開始宣傳呀。Anyway，多謝你個interview，你係下一位嘉賓係邊位呀？』

 

-> When you are that blatant, it’s rare she won’t get it and stop.

 

＃3 Now you may ask me: If asking too much Qs too early aren’t good, what should you two do?

 

Easy. You can GUESS sth about her and make STATEMENT.

 

E.g. If you want to ask her what she does, and you feel like she is quite caring, you can say“Ng… 點解咁有趣，我感覺你好似喺一個護士或者醫生喎。”

 

#4 Of course, you can use questions sometimes.

 

The point is, when you carefully OBSERVE her, you will find a TON of materials to talk about whether you use Qs or STATEMENTS.