Hey bro, you know that we all are heavily impacted by our environment, so we will become like those friends whom we hangout with most.
Assuming you have eliminated those negative crabs who pull you down, how could we build friendships once we have found a quality human being?
Well, let me recommend you reading <The Like Switch> by Dr Jack Schafer,
who is a former FBI agent who specializes in behavior analysis and recruiting spies.
He uses this “The Friendship Formula” that Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity.
Proximity = distance between you and others, it means the EXPOSURE to each other. (whether it’s shared space or shared context)
Frequency = # of contacts you two have over time;
Duration = length of time you two spend with each other
Intensity = How strongly you are able to satisfy another person’s psychological and/or physical needs through the use of verbal/ nonverbal behaviors
-> i.e. how much impact such interaction have on you both
Knowing this now, how can we make friends?
Step #1 You gotta spend more TIME doing stuff with them because 25% of forming a friendship is BEING THERE with them!
Step #2 Once you have been spending time , slowly increase the frequency & duration to increase another 50%
Step #3 After those TIME, you can slowly add INTENSITY (i.e. go from light causal pleasant topics to deeper personal emotional topics)
When you take it slowly and if the other person wants to go there, you two will become good friends who know each other.
Of course if it is in a social group setting and you’re new to the group, you want to slowly test the water and feel out what social norms of particular group.
After you have been there for a few times and established your place, then you can start to take some risks slowly to express more of yourself.
As long as you are NOT a energy drainer or freerider, and you actually GIVE VALUE to other people, people will love to have you as their friends!