Hey bro, do you rmb when we were younger, we were thinking about having our first kiss with a girl you secretly liked for a long time, and that day finally came when you got her out, she surprisingly responded positively, and you two kissed, and you felt like the happiest man in your life?
OR when you grew up, you had skills and had no problem getting girls, you could kiss or even close a girl the same night, BUT after sex, you felt that everything is TOO FAST and you felt that you’re missing out sth special?
#1 Why is that? It’s because our bodies have 2 typs of pleasure systems.
Anticipatory PS 期待性= you imagine yourself having sth you want (sex, money, travelling, group of frds, good food).
ANTICIPATION makes us excited about life for a long time. That’s why it’s good to set daily/monthly/yearly goals.
Consummatory PS 消耗性= you GET what you want. Dopamine hits quickly, but it’s shorter and that high passes quickly.
#2 The same applies to sex, love and relationships.
If you want emotional fulfillment, long term happiness and avoid having BAD relationships, then you shouldn’t have rush sex, rush love, rush relationships.
#3 Am I saying you shouldn’t have SEX with a girl ASAP?
No. You should definitely NOT wait for 10 dates before you sleep with her because too much familiarity/comfort is what kills sexual tension. (i.e. FZ)
But maybe you should find a sweet spot (i.e. 3-5 meetup times), having enough mysteriousness but also enough comfort before you sleep with her.
And if consider a LTR, maybe you should give yourself 4-6 months to OBSERVE & ANALYZE this woman’s behaviors apart from her words/sexy side to decide if she is a good candidate to develop deeper relationships with apart from sex.
Balancing this is an art. So have FUN experiencing the pleasures in both short and long term and you’ll know what you really want.