Do you know why rejection is such a BIG FEAR for us?
If you want to study more, you can watch a Ted Talk by Guy Winch “Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid”
Reason #1 Rejection feels so bad because it PHYSICALLY HURTS.
MRI study: The part of your brain that lights up when a man gets rejected = same part of the brain that lights up when he experiences physical pain.
So rejection = being punched/stabbed, your body tells you it HURTS.
Reason #2 Our brains are wired this way because of evolution
Back in caveman days, if a man gets rejected by social circle = he is alone to defend against wild animals = unlikely to survive
So evolution makes us FEEL the rejection pain so that we change our behavior and remain in the tribe to stay alive.
Reason #3 We tend to imagine that everyone notices our rejection/ppl are watching, thus exaggerates the painful experience.
In reality, most ppl are just stuck in their own thinking, and that’s why no one actually pays attention to what you do.
Solution #1: Stop all self-criticism
Stop saying “she doesn’t like me/ damn I said sth wrong/ I am not good enough.”
=> Instead, reframe this as “Haha, she likes me and that’s why she gives me shit tests.” Have this “she likes me”frame 100% time.
Solution #2 Write down the Top 10 Qualities every day
– Reinforce and speak out aloud everyday why you are WORTH IT to build your self-esteem.
Solution #3: Proactive Socializing
– Always be meeting new people, new women. Don’t be passive and let your frds find you. Be proactive weekly so that you always find people who accepts and loves you.