As humans, we have strong abilities to adapt. But we will die like frogs in hot water if we adapt to people with dangerous personalities.
So when you’re suspicious with certain people after going through this series, it is up to you to be vigilant, to assess threats and dangers, and take necessary actions to save your life.
Recommended books to read:
Reid Meloy’s classic, Violence Risk and Threat Assessment;
Fatal Flaws by Stuart Yudofsky, MD;
The Criminal Personality by SamuelYochelson and Stanton E. Samenow; Without Conscience by Robert Hare;
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker;
#1 What to do?
Don’t think you can TALK to them to change them, OR give them another chance…because they DON’T think they have any problems. Even if they say they will seek help, they won’t.
Rmb, they have character flaws, they can’t self-reflect, they don’t think they need to change, so even professionals cannot guarantee to help them.
E.g. Narcissists-> lash out because your advice negate their perfect self-image
Emotionally Unstable -> lash out because that’s their nature
Paranoid -> further confirm you are enemy, distrust you
Predatotr -> can’t see fault, may become violent
#2 How to protect yourself daily?
1) Use the checklist in this book to ASSESS the individuals you are concerned with, remind yourself what people to avoid and WHY they behave such ways
2) 別純粹望，別視而不見，要小心觀察！
E.g. stop bury yourself into dumb phones when walking, don’t block your ears by headphones, because predators ALWAYS look for easy unaware targets to hurt, exploit or kill!
3) 相信直覺，感受呢個人俾咩感覺你？
Our body has internal alarm system that warns us from dangers, but you must pay attention to it. So be aware of how you FEEL and what impression a person gives you.
Does your 胃部緊縮，頭髮直豎，皮膚泛紅，反胃焦慮，隱隱覺得不對？These physiological fears might be warning you against this dangerous person.
4) Nice people does NOT mean good person 討喜不等於善良
Doing nice things for you e.g. help you carry stuff, making fun with kids, being pleasant to neighbors … does NOT mean they have good hearts, they may be evil behind the doors.
Nice actions can be faked to gain personal advantage. But goodness comes from heart and is part of the person’s nature, goodness is about one’s character and intentions. So know the difference.
5) Control space and distance as barriers
E.g. walls, fences, gates, doors, car windows, personal distance when you use ATM or car, personal space when arguing
6) Control time – slow things down
Dangerous personalities usually want you to act quickly – get married, sign contract, write check, let them enter your house, adopt their beliefs…
Stop that, slow things down, create time buffers to THINK and ACT WITHOUT PRESSURE. Often when you feel you’re being rushed, sth is wrong.
7) 小心那些操控玩弄你情緒嘅人，because dangerous personalities are skillful social 扯線公仔 who say/do things to control you
E.g. threat you to commit suicide if you don’t do XYZ. When you feel that your emotions is being manipulated by that person, be careful.
8) 評估其『危險人格』的嚴重性與頻率。
You need to assess where the person falls into the spectrum. Sometimes ppl may display 1-2 behaviors that might alert you once for a while, but if those behaviors happens repeatedly and increasing over time, be careful as they may be affecting you emotionally and physically.
9) Pay attention to time & location whenever you do stuff
Violence increase from 8pm-2am, especially when alcohol and drugs are involved. So when you do a low-risk normal thing e.g. buy from 7-11, it might become a high risk thing if your street is dark, quiet, late at night.
10) Pay attention to how you walk, don’t act like a victim
Predators pick weak passive inattentive targets by how they walk.
So when you’re out, pay attention and observe the people. Don’t use phone, keep your hands free, face traffic, avoid alleys, avoid places where sb can hide.
11) 先查證，後信任
You should spend more time to VERIFY those who you’re dating/marrying. Check if her personal info is accurate, see if she really works where she mentions, see if she has married before, see if she is a criminal etc. Otherwise, you won’t know if she is really trustworthy or not.
12) Don’t wait too long, act immediately if you sense sth is strange
Facing dangerous people, you don’t have much time to act. If you don’t know what to do, distance yourself asap.
Next time, how do deal with dangerous people!