Best solution is always AVOID them at the first place, but what if sometimes we can’t? E.g. travelling, in bad marriage, at work.
Below are ways how to take care yourself.
#1 Don’t rush to categorize them into boxes.
Use the checklist to see where he/she fits, and see what measures best fit the situation. If life is being threatened (e.g. gunman) , don’t delay and RUN!
#2 If you can’t just leave, find help.
E.g. abusive spouse/boss, you may need a longer time to leave
-> see if you can transfer/work in different shift or department. Talk to HR/management team, build supportive alliance, and prepare to quit
If it’s bad marriage/parents -> you might need mental health professionals to step in and guide you, or social services or police to intervene.
#3 將行為歸類建立檔案，儲證據，有備無患
Sometimes, you can change sb’s behaviors by writing down their words & actions. But even if you can’t, by writing down what they do by date & time, you are building evidence and a case that can be useful in future actions. So a written journal is better than your memory in case you need any court actions.
#4 尋求外界支持，告訴別人你的處境
You want people supporting you and validating your experience, or even step in and help you one day. Never do this alone.
#5 Be careful those who limit your physical freedom
Whether it’s a relationship/group/organization/cult, when sb tries to isolate you from family/friends/co-workers/ppl you trust, that’s red flag because dangerous ppl use isolation to control you.
***Always avoid getting into vehicles with strangers! Once you’re there, your potential for danger increase dramatically. Joe advises us that even if the person has a knife or gun, AVOID GETTING IN!!!
Force yourself out – screaming, kicking, biting, scratching by any means !!!
#6 設定界限，不容越界！
You get what you tolerate with. When you don’t enforce your boundaries, people often step into it. So set up these lines that can NEVER be crossed, once it is crossed, take action to enforce the consequence.
#7 避免事事配合，陷入被操控的處境。
E.g. Don’t allow people who are late and make you wait, don’t change your schedule for them, don’t accommodate to their needs, don’t reward bad behaviors.
Even if you love the person, healthy love is those with healthy boundaries where the other person RESPECTS you. So don’t let people’s bad behaviors get away with special treatments.
#8 讓孩子得到正面的傾訴渠道
If you have kids OR younger bros/sisters, you have responsibility to protect these innocent children and give them opportunities to be away from dangerous homes or places. Help them understand that any ABUSE (physical or psychological) is NOT normal or acceptable.
#9 In conclusion, 遭遇危險(financial/emotional/psychological/physical)，立即果斷採取行動！Distance yourself immediately or leave the relationship ASAP.
Stragtegies:
– Listen to your body/gut/mind that tells you to get away
– It may be safer NOT to talk/confront the dangerous person directly. So think about your exit strategy on how you can leave/exit safely.
– Don’t face it alone. Use your network of trustworthy family/friends for help
– Get professional help! Support groups/police/social service/help lines are established for such purpose! Don’t be shy!
– Prepare financially for the escape
– Whenever you need to do a BUSINESS DEAL, ask a lot of Qs, delay decision making, ask more qualified professionals to assess a situation
– When you realize nothing can be done for the person whom you suffer, it’s time to let go and save your well being!!
– It may NOT be your fault, don’t blame yourself, it’s NOT a time to act like a victim and do nothing
– Joe reinteracted that dangerous personalities RARELY get better, it’s a hopeless situation so maintain your distance.
#10 That’s ALL from this book! We have an obligation to ourselves and others to be safe, so help yourself first.
Treating others with dignity and respect is crucial, but that doesn’t mean you have social obligation to allow others to abuse/torment/victimize us.
I hope you ALL enjoyed this 29-episodes series,
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